My Grown Up Christmas List

So lately, I’ve been feeling a little… ughhh. Not annoyed, not irritated or anything like that. Just overwhelmed. The saying, “There’s not enough hours in the day,” doesn’t even begin to state where I’m standing right now.

Back when I was a Single Mom, I do not know how I was able to do it. I was in school full time, working full time, held a church calling as the second counselor in the Primary for nearly 3 years, hitting the gym on the regular and that all began with Henele as a baby in diapers. I look back and ask myself, how was able to do all that by myself.

Now that my family is complete and I have Leroy back in my life and things have fallen back into place, I would only assume, I would be able to handle the same exact load and more! But no. I feel like I’m doing half what I did as a Single Mom with no time and no energy.

My laundry baskets are empty for not even 12 hours. I don’t get it? Where am I falling short? I have gained so much back after losing so much weight. I’m stressed way too much. I go to work and feel like I can’t hang. Literally. I can’t. Midnight hits and I’m just drained completely.

Leroy works so much. It’s almost as if he still were not here, as if I were still a single mom. I have a much bigger income with him. The only thing I can think of is that both kids are in school. Henele has preschool on Monday and Wednesday from 8:30 am to 11:30 am. Tamara has Kindergarten from 12:15 to 3:20 pm all week except Friday where it’s a short day.

Mondays are hard for me to get up and take Henele to school, then pick him up and be back at the school 45 minutes later to drop off Tamara. While Henele is at school I’m tutoring Tamara and helping her with Homework because by the time both me and Leroy get home from work, both kids are just about out for the night.

I am constantly complaining that I never see the kids. The few hours in the morning that I am not at work, they are at school half that time and then when I get to work, I don’t get off till midnight.

I’m exhausted.

And trying to keep the bills straight cause I swear they be switching up dates on me, other house needs like laundry, grocery and simply keeping it clean is so hard to get done and keep up with.  Half the time I don’t know if Leroy even has a lunch for work or not. If the kids are even eating. How they are keeping up with their school. I HAVE NO IDEA!

Did I mention? I was called to the Young Women as their Second Counselor. So there’s more time I have to dig up for. Not that I think it’s a burden. I’m actually excited to work along side these girls and hope that I can be a light to them as they grow into Women.

All I’m saying is that I am at my wits end! I need to quit my job! My kids need their Mom!

I look back on when all this began. When the stress and overwhelming stuff began and it was exactly when school started.

My job is such a blessing though. It’s good money. But since Leroy is making more then double what I make and gets paid weekly. I ask myself, what is more valuable? – My biweekly paycheck with struggling kids in school and a suffering home, or no biweekly paycheck with a mom that can actually nurture the kids.

I think it is time I let go of the Job and maybe just find something a little more accommodating with home. Like a part time job that is flexible around the kids at school.

I hope I get it together and make my move. Whatever move it is, I hope is the right one.

My grown up Christmas List consists of - a Zen Life at home with the kids. 

Xoxo Via

She Came To Me

She came to me in a midnight dream

I couldn't bare what was to be seen

And when she let out that first cry

My life stood at an all time high

She came to me on bended knees

Asking for my open arms

And when she crawled up high to me

From harm and strife - she was free

She came to me with faster feet

To bandaid her new scars and tears

And when she calmed, a sigh she blew

"It's ok" was all she knew

She came to me with exciting news

The monkey bars, she learned to do

And when she'd get right to school

The playground was a whole new cool

6 years had come so fast

My best friend she will always be

Tamara Leethee, my first, my love

6 years ago - she came to me

We've now hit the 6 year mark! Every once in awhile, I wish time would just stand still for even just a moment. So I can embrace her in just a little longer. I know they grow and grow fast. I begin to get excited about what she will bring this world. She amazes me day by day. 

My Tamara, 

I don't know how the past 6 years slipped through my fingers so fast. I couldn't be any more proud of you and all you have accomplished thus far in your life. You are very smart and very talented. If there is one thing that really stands out to me about you, its your very big heart. You don't see me watching most times I catch you doing a good deed without me asking. I catch you sacrificing a lot for your little brother. You let him win all the time to make him feel like a champ but I know you let him win a lot. You always let him pick 2 shows before you argue for 1 turn. You are always getting in trouble for him. I know there have been many times that I have yelled at you for something your little brother did and yet you keep your mouth shut. I know. Tamara, I couldn't have asked for a better daughter and big sister for your brother. As you grow older, you begin to paint newer colors to YOU and I get excited each time I see a new color. I can't wait to see what you bring to this life in this next year. I love you so much! You really do make my heart beat. Don't ever lose your sparkle! 

Kisses Forever, 

Mommy

xoxo Via

Minions!!!

So this movie just happened.

Tamara has been buggin all day to watch it. And seeing as things have been very iffy with Henele and his lovely little allergy/disease that's been going on the past few days.

Yep. It got pretty intense just two days ago. I left work early to see what the fuss was about with his skin. Low and behold, he broke out with welts and boils everywhere. His elbows, knees, hands and even the edge of his ears. 

I didn't go into work Friday cause it spread into his throat and I could tell he was always low on breath. 

Today he's been better. His welts have come down some and after seeing the doctor, he was just passing the peak of it so he isn't contagious to other kids. 

This is a kind of virus so I think he might have picked it up at the play place at the gym from another kid. I don't know. But Dr Vierra was telling me that it's the season for this disease so it's very normal. 

After yesterday's monitoring Hene we made it out to watch the new minions movie. 

WE LOVED IT!!!! 

I seriously was laughing louder then most of the kids in the theatre. 

Minions is Unasa Approved!! 

Xoxo Via

Just An Update

So.. Decided to download the blogger app to post random thoughts and entries throughout my day. 

Woke up early this morning super ready to hit the gym. 

6 weeks ago I entered this local biggest loser competition. It's called the pound for pound. I weighed in and started my weight loss journey. The first week was alright. I've done fitness before so I already knew what was to be expected. First week went by then week 2 and 3. 

I'm now approaching week 7 and I've hit this point where all I look forward to every    Morning when I wake up is the gym. 

I'm going to be honest. I might not technically be SEEING and change but the FEELING is definitely there.

Week 1 - it took me 24 minutes to run/jog just one mile at a speed of 3.5 mph.

Week 6 - it took me 11 minutes to run one mile at a speed of 5.0 mph. 

My weight is dropping and my metabolism to raising. It's been a while since I've felt this good.

Every Friday I weigh myself in to keep track of my progress and take a front and side picture my fat gut. 

I'm hoping by week 14 I will have enough courage to post all my pictures to show off my progress. 

In my mind all I want is one super lean, less than 5% body fat, ripped/toned body. 

This journey really does have my undivided attention. 

So this weekend let's cheers to healthy living and keep going. 

Have a grand weekend everyone! Get some tan and some gym in today! 

Xoxo Via

My Sixth Sense

In Elementary, I was a Stansbury Tiger. (woot woot - proud of my roots) I was in 3rd or 4th Grade when this happened. Maybe even 5th. Each week we would go to the Library and have our Librarian read us a Storybook and then after, we would go and check out one or two books of our own to take home to read.

In the Library, on one of the bookshelves there was a display of this book along with its corresponding doll. So... That doll would hold that book. It was just a display for decoration and wasn't a choice to be checked out.

One day... The book went missing.

I'm pretty sure the Librarian was secretly crying her eyes out everyday. lol Because at the end of everyday, the last 15 min to be exact, while that book was missing, two people from a chosen 4th Grader Class would be given the chance to go to the Library to find the missing book. Who ever found the book would be given a prize. The prize was 2 Worlds Famous Chocolate Bars and a Soda. lol LAME!

Well, one day, I got picked to go search for the book.

I remember that day so clearly.

I was walking around looking through shelf after shelf. And I get this weird feeling.
- You know when your watching The Voice and a contestant starts their song and not even 10 seconds into their song all 3 chairs slam their I WANT YOU buttons and turn around. - You know that feeling you get?
That's the feeling I'm feeling while I'm looking for the book.

I literally start saying in my head, "I'm gonna find this book".. That feeling was telling me this.

I get to those spinning shelves, the ones that hold like 4 or 5 shelves of books and would spin in a circle. ( You know which ones I'm talking about)

I start spinning it and spinning it and that feeling - yes that "The Voice" feeling.. I get that feeling again... just X5.

There is was. I found it! On the spinning shelf.

I got my prize and I left the Library with a super happy Librarian. While I was walking home that day, I didn't care for the candy or soda. I couldn't stop thinking about -that feeling. I thought to myself, "how did I know I was gonna find the book?"

That's my sixth sense. =0 (don't try and call it a lucky feeling, cause it's not) lol

I only bring up my sixth sense because I've been feeling it lately. I applied for a higher position at work... and bam! I got it. lol

Feeling super cool these days. =)

My Turn

I would say that periodically we all come to a point where we ask - why? We are all capable of controlling our futures to a certain extent. We can goal and conquer over and over again but can it get so repetitive that it may seem we've plateaud? That what we once felt was helping us progress has all along kept us in the same spot? We outgrow people, outgrow opinions, outgrow choices we've made, change is inevitable. I don't wanna think back on opportunities that I may have passed up, but I am.

If life were like a chess game, it would be winning, but the game isn't over and at this point in the game, it's mine turn to make a move. 

I think it's time I start making bigger risks in  life. =)

BTW

Yep... I went much lighter.

Here's me and Kels working overtime. I tried to be all serious face. #fail But you can see the color better in this pic. I wanted it darker then what it is but decided to keep it this way for a bit and if I have a change of heart, I'll go tone it down. =)

Yay or Nay??

Aiming High

Working in the Binder, there are only two shifts. Day shift and Swing shift. Being there a year now, there is this sort of rivalry between the two shifts. Who has better production numbers or who produces the better product, even down to who has the better workers.

At the end of every shift, we are to clean up and sometimes help get jobs ready for the following shift.

While at work this past week, I worked along side a good friend. His name is Ryan. We were coming to the end of the shift and he kept making boxes. I told him we didn't need anymore and that the boxes he's making is only going to go to Day Shift. Ryan said that he was trying to be nice to Day Shift. I went on about how they never help us out so why bother. Then what he said really caught my attention..

"That doesn't justify the kindness we should be showing anyway."

I then realized that I have gotten caught up in this shift rivalry when what's really important was simply doing my job.

I now go into work everyday and do exactly what is asked of me and one day one of my co-workers walked up to me and said, "What's with this taking the initiative stuff?" I just smiled and said, "Just doing my job."

I don't want to look or sound like a show off or a "teacher's pet" type person, I just want to do what's right and I'm glad what Ryan said to me really helped remind me of WHAT'S RIGHT.

Life is good right now. I couldn't be any happier. What more could anyone say.

It's Glorious

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like in 5 years? Or maybe looked back 5 years and remember what you imagined "today" would be like?

I always do! I don't what it is, but I think I'm fairly predictable with my life's outcomes. I know you're probably wondering, "well you never guessed you would married Leroy LAST year." And that is quite true. But I DID know, I would marry him again. But overall, I can honestly say, I have an idea of what's to come for me and my life.

In the next five years, I will more then likely still be working at the Printing Division. I will be of "high value" there, so I will probably be head operating some sort of machine or machines. Maybe even be a Supervisor. I sure hope so. I think the Binder needs a little better Leadership and I feel I can help. I'm not saying I'm any better then the Supervisors now, but I think I can help.

A lot has been on my mind lately. With this new year and all and these new goals that have been set. I haven't felt this focused in a long time. These goals that I have are seeped deep within. It's like literally NOTHING can stop me from reaching my goal. Every morning, I say prayer, every night I say prayer. It's become so clear that it's slowly becoming habit. And it's a good one. It's a good feeling.

I want to share a personal experience. Something that has really reached out to me. It's something that is very close to my heart and I want to say that because of this experience, I CAN NOT FALTER.

We were driving home from church. This is last Sunday, January 4, 2015. And I don't remember what we were arguing about, but I WAS SO MAD! Me and Leroy just kept at it. I felt like we just couldn't find the middle of the argument to come clear with whatever it was that we were arguing about. But arguing loudly nonetheless.

We get home and I go help change the kids out of their church clothes and I just go straight to our room. I don't want to talk to him. He can cook dinner by himself. I'm in a "whatever" mode.

While I'm in the room, I'm sitting in the closet collecting hangers to hang up coats and putting away shoes. My blood is still boiling from our argument. I sit there and stare to the ceiling and for the life of me, I am pleading for help. My heart yearns to Heavenly Father for something, anything that will help me, to help us, to help our family.

As I get back to my closet cleaning, my Ipad was sitting on the drawer. My Ipad lights up and music starts to play. I am a good 4 or 5 feet away from my drawer. So yes, my ipad started to play ALL BY ITSELF. Now, not only is it playing, it's playing a Janice Kapp Perry song. I Walk by Faith to be exact. It didn't play from the beginning,  it only played a part of the song...

"I understand the meaning of accountability. Every choice for good or real is my responsibility. I want to build the kingdom and good works is the key. By doing what I know is right, I show integrity. I walk by faith. A Daughter of Heavenly Father. Divine am I in nature by inheritance and someday when God has proven me, I'll see him face to face. But just for here and now, I'll Walk by Faith."

After that, it turned off.

I buried my face into the palms of my hands. I couldn't hold back the tears after that. I felt as though Heavenly Father was speaking directly to me through my Ipad. I will never question the church or teaching after confirmation like that.

As I cried, I couldn't stop smiling. It was comfort and peace that immediately took over my anger and frustration.

This little moment of my life that happened only a week ago has changed my life forever.

I have been so much more happier, more appreciative and more grateful for this gospel.

I hope you all can find meaning in this life and include Heavenly Father in it.

Yesterday we had a Sister's Date Night. Planned by Lady Lehua. We went downtown to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and watched Meet the Mormons.

This movie was so inspiring. I can't wait to take my little family. This is definitely something Leroy can benefit from. Here is the trailer in case you might want to go watch it too. It is free downtown.

My favorites would have to be the Missionary Mom because I feel I could relate to her story in different ways. My second favorite would be The Fighter. She makes me want to aspire to something greater. =)

The last thing I wanted to share was a song from the movie. Take a minute out of your day to sit and really listen to it. Anyone can relate to this song.

Glorious by David Archuleta

Let the year continue with this Spiritual High. It's keeping me together and bringing me to places I have never felt before. I'm not perfect. I will continue to hit bumps along the way and that's exactly what I want. The bumps in life remind me of the Savior. He atoned for my sins and for that I will show gratitude and keep on the straight and narrow.

xoxo Via

The Harvest Year

Well here we are 2015.

Happy New Year!!

Coming into this new year, I normally think of all he dreams and goals I have  planned to conquer throughout the year. This New Years was different for me. INsted of dreaming of new success for the upcoming year. I looked back on the preious year with true gratitude and I remembered all the things that have brought me to where I am today.

Goals for this year have been set. Ill share a few.

1. Understnding the gospel to the fullest.
2. Sharing and Living the gospel.
3. Go to the Temple.
4. Continue Education
5. Work hard to be the best Mom there is.

This year will  be different. I can feel it.

I was reading in a book last week about the belated prophet Ezra Taft Benson. Who grew up a farm boy and learned at an early age of hard work. I wanted to share something that caught my attention.

"He came to know in those lean days that without hard work, nothing grows but weeds. There must be a labor, incessant and constant, if there is to be a harvest."

"Throughout the years of his mature life, when he walked with preidents and kings, he never lost the touch of his boyhood farm days. He never lost his capacity for work. He never lost the will to rise at dawn and wok into the night."

Before, I would have picked up a more modern day book. But with all these changes and coming into this new year, I decided to learn basics from the Prophets of old. And I have to say, I really like the change I'm feeling inside.

Humility is big. Gratitude is big. Love is big.

This year is my "harvest" year. The year I will go head up with EVERTHING that tries me. EVERYTHING that tests me. EVERYTHING that challenges me.

This is my harvest year.

Xoxo Via