Super Man Is Born Again!

Ever wonder what happened to that Clark Kent? Weeeelllllll..... according to Henele he's been FIRED AND REPLACED... by who you might ask?....

YUP!!! HENELE O' VIKSTER

I was going through the "bigger" clothes bucket since Hene has decided he only wants to wear one outfit once cause by the time I would try and "recycle" an outfit, it would already be too small! lol I found this cute little super man onesie that even came with a "cape" attached! lol 

Sat him up for a better view of the cape. lol

Watch out all you evil peeps! Cause there's a new hero in town! Just you look at those abs of steel! 

BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID! LOL

IM CRAZY ABOUT MY BOY!!! 

He's so good to me! He sleeps, eats and when he's awake, he's so chill. His smile makes me melt. When he laughs and I can see his dimples, it's just pure happiness to me! But if you wanna know what really gets me.... let me show you..

Those extra long eye lashes!.. When I see him bat those long eye lashes, I am sooo full of gratitude that Tamara is a beast! lol hahahah That is so wrong but what a mom can't do, Tamara will. =)

Strictly Positive

Lately things have been pretty good. I feel like my life is now on a new frequency and the Universe understands where I'm headed and or at least knows what I want. So many things are in production for my life and the life of my kids to hopefully be able to see a brighter light.

I've been thinking.

Thinking for me and I'm almost positive for everyone else either swings good or bad. I've dedicated my thoughts for the past couple days to STRICTLY POSITIVE. And with this one simple change I've adjusted so much to myself for the better. I've caught myself smiling. I've caught myself reading again. I've caught myself WANTING more. And what I've caught that I know is just so much greater then anything at this point in my life, is how much time I put into my kids.

I've been so upset with Leroy and all the drama down that road that my kids weren't getting the attention that they deserve. But all in all, THEY SMILE - I SMILE! Simple happiness.

I have an interview on Thursday with a case worker that will be helping me pay for school. She mailed out a Debit Card to me last week and I remember opening that letter and the feeling I had. It was the feeling that "we're going to be ok." That feeling a mom can't describe because it's so many words and then some.

Tamara Prays!

When I tell Tamara, "Lotu Time!" (Prayer Time) She knows to kneel on her knees, fold her arms, bow her head and close her eyes. She's so smart. Her prayers lately make me bust out laughing. Every night I let Tamara read a "golden book" and then pick a movie that she normally falls asleep too. Totally fine with me so long as she sleeps right? Anyway, I'm usually up before the kids cleaning, gathering together "to dos" for the day, or cooking breakfast, whatever it may be. When Tamara wakes up, the first thing that she says is, "Whe t.v.? I fatch." lol Translation? Wheres the DVD Player for me to watch. haha I laugh and tell her, "Lotu Time!" Tamara always says her prayer first and this is what it has been for the past two days, "Anele, Sasine, Gama, TV fine it fatch, amen!" lol Meaning, "Henele, Sunshine, Grandma, DVD Player let me find it so I can watch amen!"... Got me wondering if my whole "falling asleep watching a movie" technique is a good idea or not.

Henele Stud Muffin!

He is so good to me! He is Tamara's opposite. Literally. He can just sit and chill and when he cries it's only for a bottle. But he is definitely Momma's Boy! I love him to pieces! =)

P.O.

Now I'm sure by the title you might be thinking "pissed off" cause "post office" sure wouldn't be the first thing that comes to mind after I blogged Rage. lol And in this entry it actually stands for something else.....

PROTECTIVE ORDER... 

lol most people refer to it as a restraining order. Now with me and Leroy's history and the number of times I've called the cops on him.... uhhhh yeah. It should be a piece of cake. I had gone to see a paralegal at the courthouse in Salt Lake and many good things have come out of my little meeting. First good thing - I mentioned how he claimed Tamara on his taxes and took the child credit. Now according to the paralegal (her name is Vanessa), in my Divorce Decree that we all know Leroy was dumb enough to sign as fast as he did, it states that when the time comes to file taxes, I (as in me, Via) am to take the child credit for both children. She then gave me the number to an attorney that would be able to help me in this situation and help me get my taxes all squared away. *Thank You Vanessa! Second good thing - is just the protective order in itself. The thought of Leroy and how he can't come around here anymore is A HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF! They are going to do something called a "seize and assist" first while they gather all of the police reports from the past two years that I've called in on.

Now back when I would call the cops on Leroy for whatever dumb reason it was at the time, my family told me not to do that. But now, in the situation I am in now, all those times are actually a good thing.

And last but not least, Third good thing, as of FEBRUARY 16, 2012 VIA IS NOW A DIVORCED WOMAN!!!!! Happy Days, Happy Days! lol

Rage

Ok... Divorce. Check. Approval for school. Check. File taxes and get a refund that will help me and the kids get a fresh start and be able to move on without any debt holding us back. NO CHECK! Why might you be asking?

BECAUSE MY STUPID BABY DADDY CLAIMED THE KIDS ON HIS TAXES AND TOOK THEIR MONEY!!!!

I literally can't believe how low someone can be. I will never trust him. I am soooo filled with anger and negativity I'm so ready to bust a cap. lol But for real. It's one thing to say that Tamara is everything to me and no other girl could ever come in the way and yet does. But when you steal your kids money and back stab your kids and think it's ok. He is now playing a whole new game with me. He knows very well how good I play this game so I have no idea why he thinks "he can challenge me"... please. I'm not worried. Everything will turn on him soon enough. He plays "in the heat of the moment".. I play with "time"...

But anyways.

The Divorce... Let me go ahead and explain all that nonsense.
Ive been waiting for some time now to see if Judge Shaunessey would grant me approval to NOT take the divorce education classes. Also, if he would waive the court fees that were added up to a total of a little less than 3 bones. lol

Monday February 6 * both classes and fees WAIVED - as soon as the clerk called me and told me that the judge granted both classes and court fees, I was already starting up my car and headed for the court house to file those damn divorce papers.
                              * filed the divorce papers
Tuesday February 7 * SERVED MY SPOUSE! - now usually in a normal "common sense" minded divorce... this is when the "spouse" in this case Leroy, is suppose to READ the "SERVE MY SPOUSE" forms... most cases it takes a week, two weeks, hell.. it can take months for the spouse to read them over and "understand" them. lol but lets all think about Leroy and ask ourselves if he is the type to read over the divorce forms... lol I knew he wouldn't. He's too stupid to. So guess what happens next.
Wednesday February 8 * I receive the "serve my spouse" forms from Leroy, SIGNED AND NOTARIZED! hahahaahah but did he at all read along the lines of "custody of kids" or even "visitation rights"... NO HE DID NOT...
Thursday February 9 *Turned in the "serve my spouse" forms and the divorce is now as we type, being finalized and should be done by the end of this week!!

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE ONCE AGAIN!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!

I now have FULL CUSTODY and his visitation rights have pretty much been DEPLETED, GARNISHED, REVOKED!!....

And he wants to play my game... lol Let me go ahead and put it out there people... when it comes to Via and her kids... SHE WILL BE A BEAST!.... oh yes! =)

Im only 22 years old. I understand things that I shouldnt at this age! Like Kuuipo said... "thats what you get for trying to grow up so fast".... she is sooo right! I just need to get things together. Be happy and take care of my kids and my life will be just fine.

I bet my drama chumps your drama! lol =) good day yall!

                             

The Reminder

They say everything happens for a reason. Can someone be in control of everything that happens in their life? Maybe certain things that happen in their life?

I think yes and no.

Each of us are capable of making decisions. Whether big or small, our answers to those decisions is what makes all the difference. Comments, questions, statements run daily and consistently in out lives. When big decisions arise, how do you know what questions to ask and if the questions you do ask, are they the right ones? Do you feel the right answer or go off of modern day research, study or statistics? Do you listen to your conscience? That gut feeling or first instinct?

I don't hold all the answers. I don't hold a good history of good decision making either. There are times where it may seem like the world is crashing down on me and I just want to give in and let it. The feeling as if my struggle is as hard as it gets.

No one is perfect.

There is one thing that clears the storm in my mind. What answers all my questions. What lightens my burdens.

The thought and the reminder of...

WHO WORE THE THORNS.

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The Indexing Begins

So last night I logged into my LDS account... Haven't done that in the longest time. But anyway. My sister Lee has been doing something called "indexing"... I decided last night to check it out.

Indexing is somewhat close to genealogy. Records of people dated back to who knows how far. This way people that are in search for their ancestors can hopefully through the church system be able find them.

I did my first batch of 10 records and I recorded a family by the name of Cunnigham. Most of them were born back in the early 1800's, from Ennis, Texas. After doing 10 records, it got me thinking of how many more people are waiting to be recorded. How many people are waiting for work to be done for them.

I drew a picture in my mind. A simple picture.

I see a huge golden gate with the most fine handwork. The bars of this gate are so detailed that anyone would simply be in awe. Then in front of this gate, stand people. Some sitting on the curb, some touching the golden gate. Those are the people in heaven waiting for someone here on earth to do their work.

It's funny. Here I am sitting, crying, complaining about the most dumbest things. Things that I shouldn't even be wasting time on, including this blog. lol When all the while, there are people in heaven looking down on me asking for help. I ask myself, who am I to complain about my mistakes, my wrong doings, my life when there are people in heaven that are more stuck then I am. They sit and wait, while sit here on earth enjoying my tacos and facebook when what I should be doing is, helping those on the other side.

Hell.. there are people on earth fighting for their lives!!

It's safe to say that I am selfish. I think it's about that time I turn my life around.

Dinner Anyone?

I was asked, "What is the meaning of life?" It took me back. So many things rushed through my mind... making mistakes and learning from them, finding happiness and joy, knowledge, creating things, religious beliefs, helping others, understanding, goals and accomplishments, enduring your true passions, trust, family, managing your thoughts, love, humility... and for some reason I feel like I'm missing something.. something that is so simple but hard to describe..

But what?

Ive never been one to hold grudges, and if I have it would only be for a small amount of time. Until now. Things have been very hard. I just can't shake off rude things that were said. I've concluded that words can be a deadly weapon. I've fasted and prayed wholeheartedly. Halfway through Second Nephi hoping I can find the answer somewhere within those lines. But nothing. I have never craved for the gospel so much until now. My heart yearns for answers. I'm begging for a way, for understanding. My head hurts.

Hell.. maybe just some advil and water is all I really need... lol

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I really need to get it together cause this just ain't me.

Anyways.. lots have happened in the past week..

Yall missed out on some bomb dinner... let me show you what I cooked up.. lol

SOME HENRY BENRY!!!

yeah.. we were debating on what to cook for dinner and since Hene couldn't make up his mind.. we ended up cooking him up and boooy was he good! lol

Hene is now 2 months old and I am loving every minute of him.

Tamara on the other hand... oh boy. I now call her DRAMA. I don't call her Tamara, I call her Drama and "she responds"... She is going through this phase in her life I like to call "ATTENTION".. Yup.. Tamara + Attention = DRAMA.. lol This morning I put Hene in his crib and told Tamara to get me his bottle. In the corner of my eye I saw her push it under the pillow. I turn to her and ask, "Where is the bottle?" She looks at me and smiles. Then she starts laughing and says, "Suckah!" ahhahaa.. omg

Little things like that are what give my life meaning. It's great.

When The Past Catches Up

The feeling when you've isolated yourself from everyone through assumptions based off of your past is the lowest I have ever felt. Nonstop tears. Those you need to confide in and run to when needed are the hardest to do so for me. So many things were said that I just can't take it anymore. Most people call it "tough love".. My kind of tough love eats me alive. I'm tired of trying so hard to prove myself to them. Instead of shooting me down, why don't they help me. I've now positioned myself from them so far that I don't see them anymore.

After everything I've gone through one thing I've learned is that I don't care what other people think. So long as my mind is clear and away from all these "stumbling stones" and my Father in Heaven knows where I stand, why should what everyone else's thoughts or gossip matter?

I've learned that I have to understand who I am representing. Where I went wrong. They are those that do care.

I wish they could understand. But I keep handing them bullets to use on me for target practice. Words that were said sting like a fresh bee sting. Like Mohammoud Ali and I'm his punching bag. The past keeps catching up to my present through things that were said and now pain takes on a whole new meaning to me.

Like in Bruno Mars - Today my life begins.

"I WILL BREAK THESE CHAINS THAT BIND ME"

Well, I'm on a downhill right now and I'm ready. I can make it. I won't turn back even if the past continues to keep catching up. I know where I stand and I won't let their words slow me down. I will keep moving on with all there stones being thrown at me. It will hurt me, but I won't stop.

What was he thinking? What was he doing here? I look around and see the clouds cast above me and cover the sun. I think to myself, "Is this a test? Really?" I get back in the car, fold my arms and bow my head. I say a prayer and I'm reminded of what's in my heart and what I was taught. I'm fine. As the rain pours down I keep forward on the dirt. Turning back with a road or forward without. Frightened that I may get lost I feel in my heart to move forward. Something tells me, "Keep going, don't stop." It's cold and I'm strong enough to hold back the tears. I drive. The sound of the rain bouncing off the rooftop gets stronger by the second, afraid it may wake them up. I turn up the radio to try and sound out the the rain. We continue on.  

Move Forward or Move On

It's always a joy Keeping up with the Kardashians WITH YOUR MOM! haha You know them Tongans, especially the ones rooted from the Islands. lol But yeah, me and my Mom were watching the show, well it was actually Kourtney and Kim take New York. The episodes where Kim's little fairytale comes to an end.

Of course I would want to keep up with it cause seeing other woman going through what I'm going through keeps me sane. So many times I feel like I'm the only one. Dramatic huh? lol

Watching the show, something that Scott says really caught my attention. Hes discussing with Kourtney the tension that has been stirring up between Kim and Kris. Now we all know. They end up divorced but they way he said it was sort of an ultimatum for Kim. He said, "Either move forward or move on."

He titled my blog. Go Scott! lol

Got me thinking about my own situation. Moving forward? Moving on? It's a lot to think about. The thought of my kids growing up without their father hurts. I mean look at Oprah, she definitely grew up a little similar. Oprah was raised by a teenage single mom, she even was pregnant at the age of 14 but lost her child in infancy. At the same time, teaching Tamara and Hene the way a Man treats a Woman is a lesson I'm determined to instill in their lives before I die. Even if it's the last thing I do.

I believe people can change. I do. I also believe in courage and integrity. Also things I want to teach my kids.

Moving along...

Tamara has experienced her very first HANGOVER! lol hahaha She got tipsy last night! Hene was her "designated driver" and I was the one holding her over the toilet so she can throw up. haha I got the worst part of it. (I always do) Thank God for Sons that take care of their sisters! lol

Just look at her enjoying that drink. lol We had a party last night. Well maybe not "we"... just Tamara. Me and Hene were trying to read our scriptures while Tamara was blasting her mickey mouse cd and watching UP at the same time. lol She had chicken nuggets in one bowl, fishies in another and a whole 3 cases of Juice! I don't know what I'm gonna do with that one. lol I can almost tell I'll be visiting the principles office more for Tamara then Hene. Well she may very well teach Hene her ways of living. =)

Here's more from our day....

 

Leaving the Yellow House.. she sent out invites to her party! lol

 

At the top of the stairs..

 

Had to get some running in..

 

Hene teasing, Tamara cheesing..

 

Henry Benry..

 

Whaaaaa?

THEY ARE MY WORLD MY LIFE MY EVERYTHING!!!