Henry Benry

What happens when your Son doubles in size in less then a month? YOU WORRY! hahaha I don't know what it is but seriously, we've gone through 12 cans of Similac in just a month. Now Wic only gives us 9 cans a month so it looks like I'm gonna be buying some soon enough and we all know that junk ain't cheap! But that's ok.

Anywho.. My niece Luseane Vaiolingi is now going on 4 months. Hene will be 2 months tomorrow. Lets compare an almost 4 month old to my 2 month old....

Take a look. lol

It sucks that the picture is so dark, and that's even with my flash on. But yeah.. that's my freak of nature son that is growing rapidly fast! haha... Im gonna enjoy embarrassing my kids growing up. But in the end I'm sure they'll appreciate it. I believe embarrassing moments improve character.

A Via Comic {edition 1}

The Two Stars of my life have decided to start there very own "comic." lol I catch them doing the funniest things, well at least Tamara seeing as Hene is limited to just about everything.

Stumbling Stones

Behind every girl, there's a man who did her wrong and made her strong. Things happen. People change. And while all of these things are going on, I feel like it's spinning around me way too fast for me to even see any clarity. I feel blind.

It's like Lehi's vision of The Tree of Life. I'm grasping on to the Iron Rod and I don't want to let go. The mist of darkness is overwhelming me. All I know to do is to hold on and don't let go. My heart aches to see the Tree so bad. To partake of the fruit and to learn the meaning of true happiness.

He's already made his way to the great and spacious building. Can someone that has gone there make there way back to The Tree of Life?

"I never said it was going to be easy, I only said it was going to be worth it."

Sacrifice I can manage. I've done it before and I can do it again. Anything for the Kids. And if this is advice from Bishop, how can I question it? After all he is a messenger of the Lord. Or is this me making an excuse to make things work for my family?

He sounded sincere. I felt like he really meant what he said. But all his lies have added up so fast that even my feelings aren't enough surety. Bishop went on about how Heavenly Father didn't want things to be easy, that he only puts you through trials he knows you can overcome.

I'm still debating on if the trial is to help him and try and get him to understand where he went wrong and help him change or if it's me being a single mom and doing the best I can without him.

How will I know?

My prayers lately seem so repetitive. I feel like I'm missing something. Tamara has got her down. I feel like her prayers are more effective then my own.

I just want someone to tell me what to do. No advice. No questions. Straight answers. Like a simple "to do" list. I'm good at following instructions. If only life came with a modern day manual of what to do, what choices to make or even what to eat. I have too many questions and it's distracting me from the enjoyment of my Kids.

I continue on down the road. I could only remember as a young child enjoying such a bright sunny day and only wishing that the sun would stay up in the sky forever so I could simply play forever.

My smile continues to cast over the beauty of everything in sight.

I put the car in park and step out baffled to what I saw before me.

The road stopped. It looked as though the road was built and they ran out of asphalt and never returned to finish it.

I put my hand above my forehead to shield my eyes from the sun. I look out into the open field in search of any other pavements I might have missed.

Where do I go? What do I do?

As I look around I ask myself, "Do I turn back?"

The thought of what I had already gone through races through my mind. I turn around and familiar feelings gush through my body as I stared. 

There he was.

Prayer Rocks work! Well at least mine does. Whoever came up with the idea of a Prayer Rock gets two thumbs up from me!

My 6 AM

I woke up the other morning to Tamara saying, "Mom? Mom?" She kept saying that over and over until I finally gave in a woke up. I look at my phone to see what time is was... yup... 5:52 AM! Oh geeze... If I remember, I didn't go to sleep until maybe 2 in the morning... so not even 4 hours of sleep, my two favorite, HIGH QUALITY alarm clocks go off! haha I looked over at the kids and this is what I saw! haha So freakin cute! I think Tamara woke up Hene. She always does.

The other day she was playing with Hene and I don't know what I was doing, but by the time I came back to check on Hene, this is what I saw...

Ok, forget the picture. I couldn't find it. lol But It's a picture of Hene with a Relief Society sticker on his forehead. I laughed and said to myself, "Great, she sold Hene to the Relief Society." My poor Hene. lol And that's just the beginning of how Tamar plays with Hene. I could go on for days. I've caught her putting eye shadow on him, lipstick. She even tried to change his daiper. haha I love it!

When we have movie nights using the portable dvd player, Tamara only lets her and Hene watch. She doesn't let me watch. haha It makes me wonder what it will be like when they are much older and they gang up on me. uh oh! haha

Game Night

They say, "Terrible Twos." I say, "Terrifying Tamara!" lol She is soooooo bossy! Like on a whole new level. She screams and yells and shouts and I think it's about that time I pull out the whip.

We had game night last night with all my fams and let me just say, "School of Nai" is probably the most expensive school you could ever enroll in.

We played scattergories. Now if you don't know how the game is played, let me give you a brief description.

You have a list of 12 things. These things can vary from, a boys name to a City, a pro sports team etc. Just a list of 12 random things. You then choose a letter, one letter and are timed to write the list of things that go with whats on your list, beginning with that letter. Make sense? I hope so.

Now... the list said -A persons name. The letter was I. I write, Ingras! hahaha yeah? where do you get a name like that? lol I think I was thinking ingrate and ingrid and that's just what my pen happen to write.

When we go over everyones answers NO ONE (Well just Himinai) believed that Ingras was a name. So what did I do? I facebooked it. hahaha low and behold, Ingras Dedura lives in Pennsylvania! lol... But my favorite is when my brother in law Himinai fobs out his answers and even writes his answers in Tongan! hahaha

School Of Himinai!

List - Medical Condition
Letter - T
Answer - Tai a pitis (Diabetes)

List - Animal
Letter - B
Answer - Black Lion (hahaha there really is a black lion people!)

List - Occupation
Letter - T
Answer - Toctor

I love the School of Nai. I love family game night!

This Is Me

The World doesn't revolve around me, but have drempt as if it does. I'm too scared to swim the deep blue. The highest I've ever gone would be my rooftop. I've never had a drink in my 22 years, and if I knew in detail the difference between the democrats and the republicans I would still not side with either. My criminal background is spotless but hope it doesn't stay that way for the rest of my life. Honeycrisp apples are delicious. Toast is gross but I'll take it if that's all that's around. My Nikes have to have the bubble and I would prefer them white, red and black. Stilettos are comfortable more so because I'm short and they make me feel inferior. I'll dance and sing in the rain if I ever get the opportunity and when I look up in the sky I'll wish upon a star even if there aren't any in sight. I don't believe in true love or love at first sight. I've broken many hearts including my own. Peach is the prettiest color my eyes have ever seen. No matter the season, I see the beauty in nature and have much gratitude that I have yet another day to enjoy it. I've drempt a dream and then some. Medicine is my passion. Writing is my hobby. Photography is my enjoyment. I believe that if I can dream it, I can create it. Honesty is big and liars are belittled. I have strong beliefs in my religion but if you were to ask me an in depth question, I probably can't answer as I still have many questions of my own. I want to walk the great wall of China and maybe see the Wonders of the World however many there are now. My t.v. plays 99.9% Disney. The Pork Salad from Cafe Rio satisfies me. I talk and think too much. My stress level teases its max very often. I'll smile when I'm sad and I'll cry when I'm happy, my emotions take a big toll in my daily life. I drive just to listen to music putting aside the fact of how high gas prices are. I've played ding dong ditch and got in trouble for it. My Elementary principle probably remembers me. My Violin has collected more then enough dust and I've debated with myself if I would ever pick it up again to play. My Softball Mit has been through a lot and hope to pass it on down the line one day. I like to read biographies. If you were to put a caterpillar in front of me, I literally would pee my pants and start crying my eyes out (so please don't). I don't have 20/20 vision, but at least my immunizations are current. I think that mistakes are chosen life lesson we as humans choose and that life is only as good as you make it. And even though facts about me more than likely means nothing to you, it will with my Legacy.  

This is me.

Rocky Balboa

 "Somewhere along the line you changed. You stopped being you.You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you, you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for someone to blame. Like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are. It will beat you to your knees, and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now if you know what you're worth, go out and get what your worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying, you ain't where you want to be because of him, or her or anybody! Cowards do that, and that ain't you! You're better then that! I'm always gonna love you know matter what. No matter what happens. You're my Son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life."

-Rocky Balboa schools his Son

Love this! Rocky Balboa is incredible!

Pursuit

"Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you, you can't do it. You want something, go get it. Period."

I've watched The Pursuit of Happiness at least once a week for the last two months. Only to watch this one scene. When Will Smith says this to his son. You might be wondering why I don't just watch that one scene. I don't think anyone could get the full effect of what he's saying and actually feel the courage you get out of it without watching the entire movie. This movie is what has changed everything for me. I could relate. And through Chris Gardners success, I've been reminded of my possibilities. I can make it.

One of the prerequisites for the CNA program at SLCC is to take the TABE Test. I've been out of school for going on 4 years now. That's a lot of time lost. I took the test yesterday and to my surprise, I aced it. Yeah, there were b's and c's here and there in different sub categories, but overall, I got an A! I was way excited. It was a 2 hour test and let me tell you, it felt like 10! I met with my adviser who accepted me into the CNA Program. I will start the first week of February and will be certified in 6 to 8 weeks. Then I just have to work on courses to get me into the Nursing program. Step by step, I'll be successful.

The road is clear. The way is clear. I smiled for the first time in so long. I was so sure all the broken gravel I had just gone over was sure to prepare the car for engine failure. The help of the 8 familiar faces have helped me get through the unstable road that I once thought was never ending. I feel as though I could do the impossible. And after getting through that road I remind myself, anything is possible. I could fly, dance, sing, scream and best of all not have one care in the world. 

The Kids in the back are now sleeping from all the crying. I look at them in the rear view mirror and whisper, "We're gonna be okay, we're gonna make it." The scenery is beautiful. Meadows as far as I could see. Some wild horses in the distance, the sun shining bright as it does in the middle of a warm spring day. The warm breeze feels good as I roll down the windows. And as I continue on in drive, I hold on to the steering wheel with both my hands, look up into the sky and say, "Thank You."

My sister Kuuipo says, "Smart is the new rich." True story people! I'm focused on what needs to be done. Following my dreams. And simply TRYING.

My pursuit has begun.

They Do The Darndest Things!

So I went out yesterday and left my two little kiddies with my Mom. Oh how I love my Mom! If I could ever one day live up to her level, that would be a great accomplishment for me! She's set the bar really high and I'll forever keep it as a life long goal of my own. GO MOM! lol

I came home last night and my Mom was telling me that Tamara ran up to her saying, "Mickey, Mickey!" lol My Mom laughed and replied, "Mickey is sleeping Tamara." (aww shucks!) So then what does Tamara do and say might you ask? She walks to the big screen and puts her ear against the tv and whispers, "Mickey, wake up." haha When my Mom rein-acted it to me, I laughed so hard I woke up Hene. And it wasn't even cause of what Tamara had done, it was more cause of the way my Mom had acted it out. She's too funny!

What I hate the most is when Tamara makes a big mess with whatever is around and when I yell, "TAMARA!" she runs up to me and rubs my arm saying, "Sorry Mom." She knows very well what she is doing and when she does make big messes OH SHE KNOWS that doing it is wrong. It just gets me every time with the rubbing of the arm and the "Sorry Mom" response. I get so mad for a second after seeing what she does and that little "Sorry Mom" gets her off the hook EVERY TIME cause I can't hold in my laugh.  

I know there will be late night cleanings, constant thoughts of whats next on the agenda, when is their next appointment, did I pick up their prescriptions?, what did they eat?, trying hard to prepare for the next day to make it as easy as possible when I know it'll just be another late nighter.. all the "little" things us Moms do. They may come with laughs, cries, and a whole lot of frustrations but for me there is one thing that makes all this "extra" work well worth it....

   

The sight of my kids sticking together!

Living The Abundant Life

"The greatest revolution of our generation, is the discovery that Human Beings, by changing their inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."
-William James, a pioneering American phycologist and philosopher

Big word, Attitude! It's funny how some small alterations to our attitudes can change so much.

Tamara and "attitude" get along VERY WELL! lol She screams at the top of her lungs, she cries for endless minutes, she bosses EVERYONE around and when I say everyone, I really do mean everyone. The other day she kicked my sister Leslie (who is I believe 26 years old) off the computer so she could watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse videos on youtube, she has temper tantrums equivalent to lets say an overflowing daycare center filled with ALL 2 year olds haha, and I don't even want to get to her "fight"... girl is a beast! haha

But regardless of all that attitude, I honestly don't mind one bit! Discipline will happen. Fact. She's just too young to understand. I figured I'd let her and her attitude run it's course and soon enough, she'll be find her manners. Cause if she doesn't find them later on, MOM WILL! haha..

Hene. He definitely has his dad's temper. FOR SURE. He's not even 2 months old and I swear the other night when I had gone to make him a bottle and picked him up to give it to him, he fought back with me. I laughed so hard cause it reminded me of his dad. But just like fights with his dad, I always win. lol

Now me and my attitude. I think after all that's been going on, my attitude has totally been "checked"... I feel like I've found inner peace. Literally. I've taken things in little by little and have now reached ACCEPTANCE. I have to keep my mind on the future. It keeps me stable. Cause I know that I'm in control of the future and what happens are things that I can prepare for. I try not to dwell on my past, it hurts too much. But I feel that the only way I know I've finished that chapter of my life is if I can think back on it and not let it hurt me. I accept it. Instead of feeling down in the dumps about it, I'm gonna smile. Without it, I wouldn't be as strong as I am now.

Our Prophet Thomas S. Monson wrote an article in the January Ensign entitled Living the Abundant Life. I love it. He goes on about ABC's we need to follow.

A - Attitude: Have a positive Attitude.

B - Believe: Believe in yourself and those around you

C - Courage: Face challenges with courage

Simple enough right? Well, I believe that because I'm so in tune with the spirit and have returned to the basics of the gospel, I'm successful and that for me will be enough to get me and my kids by. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Back On Track!

So while everyone in my high school class is now graduating with either their associates or bachelors degree. I'm just barely starting. But better late then never is what I like to say.

I'm not all that picky with what id like to pursue as far as a career choice goes. So I sort of figured that if I'm gonna go back to school, I'm gonna get a degree in something where I know I could get a job that pays good and fast! Lol

I've decided that I'm going back to get my NURSING degree! Yay-yah! What's great about it is that I would be working directly with people (which I absolutely love), there is a high demand for nurses and nurses will ALWAYS be needed. I'm happy with my choice! =)

Ill be testing this upcoming week to get into the CNA program. And while I work on getting my CNA, ill be taking courses at slcc to get into the NURSING program. Studies show that slcc has the best nursing program so I lucked out with that.

I'm excited to go back and get it done. I've wasted the past 3 years on a sorry marriage. I wish I could've at least been smart about staying in school.

School is cool people! Lol

Now on to another note in my life.

Do you think someone can be so blind to think they lost something when they had that same kind of something all along? That might be a little confusing. Let's say for example, you have a tv. This tv works great, high definition, just your ordinary tv. Now, you then lose this tv and you're bawling your eyes out thinking, "what am I gonna do without my tv?" Lol and all along you have one in the other room, just waiting for you to go waste time in front of. HA! That was a dumb analogy. But whatever. I hope you catch my drift.

I watched The Notebook the other night with a friend. Well this friend and I were actually on the phone, we weren't technically side by side. But we both watched the movie at the same time and talked on the phone. Mainly about the movie and any thoughts or comments we had.

I tell myself that I need me a 'Noah' in my life. But am now thinking that I might have already had a Noah all along. My whole tv analogy is a total bust now huh?

We watched the movie, laughed and cried. Its such a good movie! Something I love that Noah says in the beginning of the movie that I will never forget...

"I've loved another in my life. And for me, that was always enough."

That line totally caught my attention. I smiled.

As great as all this sounds and especially feels. I pull back. I hesitate. I second guess. And I only have one question that I truly wish I had the answer to, and that's Will I get hurt again?

and yet another I DON'T KNOW! (Just great).. totally rolled my eyes after writing that. Lol

And really at the end of the day, I'm just not ready. I want to enjoy just being me and loving my kids.

Who says a woman can't do it on her own? Remember that.

I will be the one to prove them wrong. =) No doubt.

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New Phone, New Way To Blog!

This is a test. Now because I love to blog, I"ve now activated "blogger-droid" to my new phone! If only I had my laptop, I wouldn't have to do it this way.

Stupid Baby Daddy smashed it! (Annoying of my life)

Anyways

My family has made it a 2012 year long goal to attend the temple at least once a week. They go every Saturday morning. I stay home with all the kids. Well the "younger" monster crew at least which includes Tamara, Coco, Luseane and Henele. The "older" monster crew which includes Christina, Teta, Sunshine and Jay are all at the yellow house.

Now just so I don't confuse you on the "yellow" house. Let me go ahead and explain all that.

So recently my parents have decided to "monopolize" We have "The BIG House" which is my parents house. What us 7 kids call HOME. Then there is "The BACK House" which is my parents guest house, its where me and my kids reside. I love it cause its a perfect size for me and my two kids. Its seperate from the Big House and has all the basic necessities we need to live on our own. Not to mention the fact that it also comes "rent free" THANK YOU MOM AND DAD! Now to my parents (and us kids) most recent new purchase, "The Yellow House." The yellow house is right behind The Big house so the backyards touch eachother. We actually tore down the fence that once divided the two houses for easy access to either house. Its perfect for me cause I'm smack down in the middle of the two. =)

I've learned so much from my parents and they "hustle"... its really simple how they do it all. Its a little something called HARD WORK! I totally envy them for there hard works. My mom runs on 2 hours of sleep a day and that's normal to her. She is always finding something to do. It used to annoy me so much that we were constantly working as kids from sun up to sun down. But looking at it from a moms perspective. Its truly a blessing the way they brought us up. I wouldn't have had it any other way and Ill do the same for my kids.

Well it would suck if my new blogger-droid app didn't work cause I feel like I've been writing forever. Huge difference between my phones keyboard and typing on a computer. The difference of 8 more fingers to be exact. Lol

Let's hope blogger-droid passes the test! =)

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Life is for Living

My friend tells me, "Change your thoughts and you can change your world." I tend to say that to myself a lot these days.

I'm a Zac Efron fan. More so in love with the dude! lol But anyway, I watched this movie last night after my kiddies fell asleep. Thinking about how long it took Charlie to move on from the loss of his brother, I ask myself if that could be me. Could I dwell on the loss of my marriage, the loss of my family being whole for that long? Charlie found something to help him move on and that was Tess. Now if I had someone like Tess in my life just waiting and I was too stubborn to give it a chance, I don't know if I'm holding on to my past or just simply too scared.

I don't know?

I hate that question, I don't know?.. I say it over and over and over again. If I was to be charged 10 cents for every time I asked that, someone would be rich! My life right now, I'm still playing catch with Sami in the woods. I just hope I don't play catch with him for 5 years like Charlie did.

The moral of the movie which by the way I love that they put it on the cover is, "Life is for Living."

I've lived A LOT of life in just the past 4 years of my life. I've even created more life. lol But anyways if there's one thing that I'm determined to do without any "I don't knows" its that I will live my life for me and for my kids! nuff said! =)

2 Years Later..

So today Tamara had her 2 Year Doctors appointment. Where did the time go? I keep saying over and over again ever since she was born that she is growing waaayyy too fast! I try and enjoy every minute of it, whether good or bad cause life comes with both.

When ever we go places it never fails that Tamara will kick her shoes off in the car, so I had to prop her on the car and put them back on.

She knows better then to walk around a parking lot/streets without holding my hand so she stood there and waited for me to come back and grab her hand. But I just had to take a picture!
 

 

Tamara didn't want to make new friends so she stood to the side and watched the miko girls color there pretty pictures. 

Then Nurse Christina came and got us and  after getting in her weight and height and all that good stuff she sat down and played with a toy in the Doctors Office.

She did such a great job when Dr. Vierra came in and took a look at her. I promised her that I would get her a special treat!

As far as her growing goes, she is doing just great. Ranked in the 96 percentile! I love when Dr, Vierra tells me that she is growing great, it makes me feel like I'm doing my job as a Mom. Proud Mom moments!

Took her to the store and got her the "special" treat.

Had a lot of quality time with my girl! I loved it!

Weekend Full of Memories!

So Saturday was full of lots and lots of organizing and cleaning! Yup! My sister had given me 4 HUGE tubs full of baby boy clothes a couple months ago and I am now going through it all. She also gave me a car seat and a crib. Aki and Chester have really helped out me and my little family with Henele's basic necessities. HUGE THANK YOU TO THEM! All of that sorting and cleaning took up a good half of our Saturday.

Later that day we prepared for Sunday. Sunday (yesterday) Henele was getting his Baby Blessing! I was so excited! So decided to have a little party with just me and my two kids! Since Tamara has a cough I didn't want to take them out, plus the snow finally decided to show up this year and I didn't want her to get any more sick then she already was. So we stayed in, I pulled out the coloring books, the toys, popped the popcorn, I even jumped on the bed with her cause I know how much that makes her happy. Thank goodness I didn't break the bed. lol

After all that huffing and puffing lol I finally got them settled down for MOVIE NIGHT! Tamara chose UP! Fantastic movie! An adventure for the kids, but for me, it's a romance. True story! =)

Woke up Sunday morning and got the kids ready for church. Twas a chaotic morning for Mom! =)

My first time getting my son ready in church clothes. I cried. Thoughts and feelings crept back from things that Leroy is putting him through. A life without "his" dad. I am very blessed to have so many brothers to help "father" my son though. So for every down there is always an up.

Then getting Tamara ready was where all the chaos came in. Can you tell by the picture? She just wasn't havin it that morning. Then I warmed her up a corn dog with some little fishies on the side and she was all better. Nothing heals a pouting Tamara better then those fishies! THANK YOU FISHIES! lol

 Don't remember the last time I got the chance to doll myself up, well "try" at least. And after having two kids, and shuffling them alone, I'm sure it will be a long while before I actually get to try and put myself back together. But at least I tried right?

Henele's Blessing went very well. Nothing big, like how other polynesian families do. I like it small and simple. In Hene's circle stood Dad (grandpa), Mone, Himinai, Chester and Bishop Moli. I couldn't have picked a better bunch of Men. THANK YOU!

Leroy showed up. After the blessing of course. Some things never change. He did go up and bare his testimony, which scared me a little cause a week ago we had gotten in a fight and I told him not to come to his blessing and he replied to me saying that he was gonna be there and that he was gonna bare his testimony and talk all this crap about me. He didn't though. Thank goodness cause you know with him when it comes to his threats. He went on about how his family is the most important thing to him. I didn't once look up at him. I stared down at my hands in disappointment. Not of him. Of myself and how I chose such a bad person to have my kids with.

I know he will hurt. It might not hurt him now but it will hit him eventually that the decisions he's made in that past 4 months are ones that he will regret. He's lost family. I won't turn back. I told him over and over again, me and the kids can't sit around and wait for him to change. So I had to let him go. I think it would've killed him if I kept him and held on to our marriage.

He did help me carry Hene out to the car afterward and gave me a hug. That was something I never thought would happen ever again. It didn't mean anything to me though. I'm getting over all the hurt feelings he's left me with, and when I look at him all I can think to myself is that he is really a lost sheep. I don't know if anything or anyone can help him find his way back. I hope the best for him.

Later on... we had my oh so favorite, CHINESE FOOD for our little get together. And boy was there more than enough! THANK YOU TAUSINGAS AND MALAEULUS AND MOM! My family is paying for everything for me and my kids until his child support kicks in and I find a job. I wish he would help out more on the money part. But oh well.

That night.. We all sat down and played scattergories! That game is soooo fun! I love family game nights! They definitely help keep our family in tune with each other. Said prayer as one big family and we off to our own dwellings.

Overall, great weekend!

The Greatest Gift of All

Henele O' Vikster! He is sooo special to me. You have no clue. I think it's cause of all the drama with baby daddy. Looking at it all, and knowing that I am the only one he will know as far as his "parents" go.

Ever since he was born, there is just something deep down inside that I feel each and every time I look at him. The feeling I have between the two of my kids are yes, very special, but my son, there's that feeling that is there but indescribable.

He's so innocent.

He's now 1 month old. And let me tell you, he's definitely a Momma's Boy! Sometimes when he starts to cry, I pick him up, hold him but when I give him his bottle, he doesn't want it. Silly boy!

I love my Son! He gives me so much strength! I have so many dreams for him!

I'm a proud Mom!

Really?

My days are GGRRREAAATTTT when I don't see or hear from baby daddy! Yesterday was great! I got A LOT done! I wish the divorce wouldn't take so damn long, cause I'm soooooo ready to move the hell on with my life! Smiley face for that one!

Was ready to go home with the kids and do what we do every night which consists of reading a chapter or two in the good book, prayer (most nights multiple prayers), finding a movie to fall asleep to, and yup.. I don't think I forgot anything, but that's pretty much it.

Before we even got to leave Grandma and Grandpas house, who shows up?....

baby daddy!! UUGGHH!!

He had some nerve, coming up to my parents house after all the crap he's done to me, the kids and my family! And what does he do when he comes over, he starts a damn argument with me and my mom!! I hate him more and more that I just can't take it! He's so disrespectful! I just can't wait to finally be divorced to him!! I want it done NOW! (you have no clue) He just doesn't get it. He's taken his girlfriend over his daughter. Plain and simple. Black and white. It's clear. He needs to just get on with his life and leave us alone. He doesn't care about them. And because he's been living his "single life" since he left, Tamara does not know him!

Tamara didn't even want to sit with him for long cause she doesn't know him! He said (when I kicked him out) that he was gonna come visit his daughter every single day. PPAAAALLLLEEEAASSEEE! He's too busy hooking up with other girls before the thought of his daughter even crosses his mind!

I gotta stay focused though! New year, New me! fa shizzle! lol I know more of this drama will come along throughout the year and throughout the rest of my life (unfortunately). So no matter what, I will keep my head up and shake it off.

He will not bring me down!!!

Come on Skinny Love!

2012 WILL RENDER MY BODY BACK! lol

I will demand my original body back this year. For the past 3 years I've been so out of it. And having 2 kids didn't help one bit. After having Tamara, I gained 70 pounds!! Putting me in the 220 pound bracket. Now Hene was different. I lost weight throughout his pregnancy. When I was 3 months with him I weighed in with that pregnancy at 235 pounds. I last saw Dr. Burgett the day before I gave birth to him and weighed in at 220 pounds. So obviously after pushing him out along with as much excess baby water/junk, I lost weight with that. I now weight 197 pounds!! Thank you Hene for helping me get started! lol

Before summer no doubt, I will be back to 120 pounds! (the goal) Me and my kids will be too hot to trot!

I finished reading THE HELP last night. Boy, is that an amazing book! Now I get to watch the movie knowing that I will be disappointed cause all movies aren't as good as the book. Fact! Also about half way through the first book of Nephi. Tamara totally bailed on me last night with that one.

She did say our closing prayer last night. It was waaayyyyy long! lol Our Father in Heaven understands though. But what made me laugh was that, she said like 7 prayers. She likes to say it over and over again. I absolutely love it! I will keep pushing her to say them so that I can instill the power of prayer in her. She makes my job so easy! My dear Hene is still eating like a maniac! lol Yesterday I was joking with him saying, "when you grow up, you better beat up your dad, and if you go to jail, I'll bail you out!".. lol that is so wrong on so many levels! But like I said, I was joking. =)

"I Need to Blog it Off!"

I feel that when things get too crammed up in my brain and there's just too much on my mind that I feel like I'm gonna explode, I say to myself, "I need to blog it off."

My blog is like a best friend. Someone (something) that I can vent everything that's on my mind and feel that it understands exactly where I'm coming from. lol As lame as that sounds, I think it's great.
Tamara is here with me watching "Jake and the Never Land Pirates." A kid show on Disney.

Sometimes I catch Tamara staring at the screen and can tell that she is deep into the show. I'll even call her name and she wouldn't even flinch cause she's so caught up. I ask myself, "Is her watching t.v. a bad thing?" They say that too much t.v. can turn your kids into couch potatoes.

Not my Tamara!

I believe that her watching her little shows on Disney actually help. I believe they can be very educational. She sings when they sing. She dances when they dance. She says the colors that they point to. She counts along with them. So I don't mind one bit that she watches t.v. And obviously there are limits to "t.v." As a mom, I know I'll keep Tamara well rounded that t.v. won't be the only thing she'll ever want to do.

She's starting to talk now. I absolutely HATE IT! lol.. I mean don't get me wrong, it is part of life and all. It's just that every time she does something new that shows she's improving, it reminds me that she is "growing up." She's terrific!

Henele on the other hand. OH BOY! Ninja can EAT! lol He's now 1 month old and has already gained 3 pounds! Oh geeze! Formula is soooooooo not cheap! And Lord knows, baby daddy aint even trying to help out! What a joke he is!
Now on that topic... OMG! Sooo much has happened with that fool. He now has a girlfriend (plus some little club hoes on the side) that so doesn't surprise me though. He stays clubbin. Now I've actually "communicated" with el girlfriend, with bobbi, and sherry.
Girlfriend be clueless and continues to fall for his lies. And although I've filled her in on Leroy, I bet she is still with him. But just like me, SOME PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN THE HARD WAY! She told me he didn't "fess up" to having kids and was married till later on after they got together.

That right there was it for me! How dare he not claim his kids! I could so careless that he talks all this ish about me, I'm over all that. But when you bring the kids in, and you bust a "i don't have kids" card and don't wanna pull it out till "after." yeah.. His whole "ill always be there for my kids" "no one means more to me then the kids" "ill never love anyone because tamara means so much to me" all that bull has taken me overboard!

What I think is HILARIOUS, is that he now goes by James. lol (two thumbs up for that one). And after putting the pieces together. It's only for one reason. Cause "Leroy Unasa" is the name that is wellllll known here in the Valley. And if "she" was to start talking, and telling people "im will this guy named Leroy Unasa"...

lol its gonna bleed through the grapevine, and someone (maybe multiple people) is BOUND to tell her, "oh i've heard of him" "he's not a good dude" "i seen that dude at the club" or even "i saw him yesterday with another girl." lol..

Yesterday I changed my phone number. I'm now cutting off all ability for him to try and contact me. It's over!

Now.... my prediction.. oh yes! Keep in mind, Leroy was kicked out September 19, 2011. It was a monday. He has, his own apartment paying rent at about 750, a car payment, no clue on that one, car insurance, i'm sure is up the butt cause my policy on the fusion was up in Nov. my rate had gone WAY up... why?... cause Leroy has an extra 4 points on his record for getting pulled over last January, Utilities that consist of gas, electric, water all that good stuff, his credit card that is well over 800 now, yup, still have access to that account, anger management $40 a week, and now a checking account that has the ability to go "negative" hahaha... man, I don't know how he's made it this far, cause come sometime this month, guess what else is gonna be tacked on... CHILD SUPPORT! hahahaha...

If you haven't guessed, I'm so trying my hardest to run him back to Alaska! Now the only flaw I see with my prediction of him ending up back in Alaska is "the girlfriend." Now that card is what I really just have to wait on. Either he ends up back in Alaska or he gets her pregnant and ends up living with her. Damn! I hope that doesn't happen, cause then he's still in "reach" of my kids. But then again, he still has his job, and I'll still be garnishing his checks. So Alaska, no job, no child support till he finds a job, ooorrrr he stays with her and works and I take his money. I guess theres an up side to whether he stays or goes huh? Now if he marries her, something I didn't know till after... lol she pays me child support too. wow! haha I know huh? I literally just don't want to see him EVER AGAIN. And I swear that if he dares come by, I will put nails in his tires! hahaa lol..

Now I've blogged it off yall! Feel so much better!

Other than all that drama, 2012 will be GREAT FOR ME! Going back to school, summer semester. Thankfully Financial Aid has answered my prayers for school. Will be going into nursing FULL TIME! Boo-yah! Going back to the basics of the gospel! Me and Tamara read "regularly" now. It's great. It's helped me stay humble and grounded with all the drama. Need work too. I've applied to a couple places yesterday. I can't wait to get working again! Life is good. =) I feel cleansed with the new year and all!

2012 MY YEAR TO HUSTLE!

Gotta lotta catching up to do! But have no doubt I can still take the lead! Motivated!