When The Past Catches Up

The feeling when you've isolated yourself from everyone through assumptions based off of your past is the lowest I have ever felt. Nonstop tears. Those you need to confide in and run to when needed are the hardest to do so for me. So many things were said that I just can't take it anymore. Most people call it "tough love".. My kind of tough love eats me alive. I'm tired of trying so hard to prove myself to them. Instead of shooting me down, why don't they help me. I've now positioned myself from them so far that I don't see them anymore.

After everything I've gone through one thing I've learned is that I don't care what other people think. So long as my mind is clear and away from all these "stumbling stones" and my Father in Heaven knows where I stand, why should what everyone else's thoughts or gossip matter?

I've learned that I have to understand who I am representing. Where I went wrong. They are those that do care.

I wish they could understand. But I keep handing them bullets to use on me for target practice. Words that were said sting like a fresh bee sting. Like Mohammoud Ali and I'm his punching bag. The past keeps catching up to my present through things that were said and now pain takes on a whole new meaning to me.

Like in Bruno Mars - Today my life begins.

"I WILL BREAK THESE CHAINS THAT BIND ME"

Well, I'm on a downhill right now and I'm ready. I can make it. I won't turn back even if the past continues to keep catching up. I know where I stand and I won't let their words slow me down. I will keep moving on with all there stones being thrown at me. It will hurt me, but I won't stop.

What was he thinking? What was he doing here? I look around and see the clouds cast above me and cover the sun. I think to myself, "Is this a test? Really?" I get back in the car, fold my arms and bow my head. I say a prayer and I'm reminded of what's in my heart and what I was taught. I'm fine. As the rain pours down I keep forward on the dirt. Turning back with a road or forward without. Frightened that I may get lost I feel in my heart to move forward. Something tells me, "Keep going, don't stop." It's cold and I'm strong enough to hold back the tears. I drive. The sound of the rain bouncing off the rooftop gets stronger by the second, afraid it may wake them up. I turn up the radio to try and sound out the the rain. We continue on.