Day by Day: My ONE Man!!!

Ok. So this time, I'm already crying before Ive even started this entry.

Let me rewind exactly 12 months ago, this day, Nov. 30, 2011. The peak of where things fell apart and came back together with the birth of my son!

November 30, 2011. I had an appointment with Dr. Burgett for my 9 month check up. Really, I was at the point of this pregnancy where I would have to see Dr. every week. So off to Riverton I went. Dr. Burgett was being his same old self with his really bad jokes. Yet I still sat there and laughed to be polite. And just to save some time and a long drive I really didn't wanna do, I hurried him up and asked if he can hurry up and check my cervix to see if I've dilated any. So he checks and says some like, "Well, I think I pushed you to 4 centimeters, wanna head to the hospital now?" I was like, Oh hell no! Im going home!

Leroy had been there at this appointment. After as we walked out of the office is when I really asked Leroy to not give up on our family. I pleaded with him that if this is really the life he wanted to choose over our family, I would never let him back in my life again. He went on about how he didn't like the way we argued so much and that it was too much for him.

That's when I knew, my family had fallen apart. I told him, one last time, later on, you won't be with this girl. You won't like the life that you've chosen and when you attempt to then fix our family, it's going to be too late. He laughed.

It was that time as I left the office where I sat and thought in my mind, "This is it. He's on his way." I cried as I drove home. I cried for my Son that he would forgive me for the life hes about to enter into and the situation our family is in. I cried because my family was broke and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I cried because I knew better. I cried for Tamara. I cried.
Bangeter Highway seemed to favor me as I made it home safely without having to rush myself to the hospital. I knew what was going to happen soon and all I could think was, "Where is Tamara?"

Kuuipo and Nai had been super nice with helping me with Tamara since I was working as a Cashier at Sunflower Farmers Market with a full on pop belly.

Handling Tamara seemed to be easy this time of my life, even with a huge ol' belly in front of me. I think because it was the last time it was going to be "just Tamara".. It had been that way for the past two years and it was all about to change.

So while Tamara is out with Kuuipo, I'm home sitting on pinterest waiting for Mom to get off work and anyone else really. I sat at home alone thinking, "I hope I don't have to take myself to the hospital." I thought about telling Leroy but figured he was too busy with his new life. Doing that would only make me super mad and I wasn't about to have my son with a bad attitude.

Slowly family members get off work and are home. Everything is fine. I didn't wanna tell my Mom just yet cause she would be the one to say, "Lets go to the hospital." And if I did go, they wouldn't let me go home and I'd be there for hours and hours.

Tamara finally comes home and were watching Finding Nemo. I constantly am telling her, "Tamara, I love you." Over and over again. I knew she was getting annoyed but I didn't care cause I knew things were gonna be different after that night. As she fell asleep, I finished the movie holding her close to my belly and kissing her like a crazy mom.

I fell asleep.

Then... it happened. SPLOOSH! My water broke. I got up to see what time it was, 12 something. We'll just say midnight. I get up and go jump in the shower. I remember looking down at my belly and thinking, welp now I'll be able to see my feet. I can tell just by my water breaking, my stomach was getting smaller. I put the most comfortable clothes I had on and I sat on the bed and watched Tamara sleep. I remember sitting there and whispering to her, "Tamara, I'm really gonna need your help these next couple days. Things will be different and I can't do it without you. I love you with all my heart." (might not be the exact words in that order, but something along those lines)

I lay next to her and give her a big hug. She was super annoyed by this time. I decide to go back to bed. I figured, if this delivery is anything like Tamara's, then I still have time. I wake up soon after at about 2 am. That's when I was really feeling it. I call Kuuipo and ask her to come and take me to the hospital. I then head to the front house and wake up Mom. I tell her it's time. She gets ready and we wait for Kuips to come.

I run and give Tamara one more kiss and head out to the Murray IHC. It was about 2:30 am by this point. I started singing my christmas songs that super annoyed Kuips. But I didn't care cause contractions compared to an annoying feeling was far greater.

We get there, I fight with the front desk girls cause they dont believe me when I say, "my water broke".. so I raise my voice and say, "did you want me to jump on this counter and show you that my water broke?".. yup, they pissed me off.

at 4:06 am on December 1, 2011 Henele O' Vikster Unasa was born! Everything came together for me. My life was complete. Sitting in the hospital with my newborn son, I settled with the fact that I was a single mom. It was at the hospital when I decided, it will be a rough road, but that's not gonna stop us from seeing clear skies.

Life is magical if you let it be. If we but have the smallest sincerity with us to see the brighter side of things, we all can have hearts full of gratitude. I've learned from my son, the true meaning of gratitude.

This boy is so special to me. He knows his mom. He doesn't know his dad. He smiles like his mom, has anger like his dad, Super gorgeous like his mom (lol) stamina like his dad. And thinking of it all. I would say, "I did good." He's such a stud. I'm lucky to have him in my life. When I hold him or play with him, I think to myself, "I wouldn't be as strong as I am today without you!"

Henele is my main man! I can't give him his dad, but I can give him all the love of my heart and knowing his dad wouldn't mean a thing.

Thank you Henele for keeping my head up and always putting a smile on me and Tamara's face! I absolutely love you to no end! Yes! My love for you is infinite! I hope this past year wasn't the worst for you but do know that I'm doing my best to give you all that you truly deserve in this life. I might not have a new toy for you, a new swing or even a cake. But remember that as long as we are together, we will always have enough.

Thanks Buddy for being you! Happy First Birthday! Mommy Loves You So So Much!! MUAH!