The Greatest Gift of All

Henele O' Vikster! He is sooo special to me. You have no clue. I think it's cause of all the drama with baby daddy. Looking at it all, and knowing that I am the only one he will know as far as his "parents" go.

Ever since he was born, there is just something deep down inside that I feel each and every time I look at him. The feeling I have between the two of my kids are yes, very special, but my son, there's that feeling that is there but indescribable.

He's so innocent.

He's now 1 month old. And let me tell you, he's definitely a Momma's Boy! Sometimes when he starts to cry, I pick him up, hold him but when I give him his bottle, he doesn't want it. Silly boy!

I love my Son! He gives me so much strength! I have so many dreams for him!

I'm a proud Mom!

Really?

My days are GGRRREAAATTTT when I don't see or hear from baby daddy! Yesterday was great! I got A LOT done! I wish the divorce wouldn't take so damn long, cause I'm soooooo ready to move the hell on with my life! Smiley face for that one!

Was ready to go home with the kids and do what we do every night which consists of reading a chapter or two in the good book, prayer (most nights multiple prayers), finding a movie to fall asleep to, and yup.. I don't think I forgot anything, but that's pretty much it.

Before we even got to leave Grandma and Grandpas house, who shows up?....

baby daddy!! UUGGHH!!

He had some nerve, coming up to my parents house after all the crap he's done to me, the kids and my family! And what does he do when he comes over, he starts a damn argument with me and my mom!! I hate him more and more that I just can't take it! He's so disrespectful! I just can't wait to finally be divorced to him!! I want it done NOW! (you have no clue) He just doesn't get it. He's taken his girlfriend over his daughter. Plain and simple. Black and white. It's clear. He needs to just get on with his life and leave us alone. He doesn't care about them. And because he's been living his "single life" since he left, Tamara does not know him!

Tamara didn't even want to sit with him for long cause she doesn't know him! He said (when I kicked him out) that he was gonna come visit his daughter every single day. PPAAAALLLLEEEAASSEEE! He's too busy hooking up with other girls before the thought of his daughter even crosses his mind!

I gotta stay focused though! New year, New me! fa shizzle! lol I know more of this drama will come along throughout the year and throughout the rest of my life (unfortunately). So no matter what, I will keep my head up and shake it off.

He will not bring me down!!!

Come on Skinny Love!

2012 WILL RENDER MY BODY BACK! lol

I will demand my original body back this year. For the past 3 years I've been so out of it. And having 2 kids didn't help one bit. After having Tamara, I gained 70 pounds!! Putting me in the 220 pound bracket. Now Hene was different. I lost weight throughout his pregnancy. When I was 3 months with him I weighed in with that pregnancy at 235 pounds. I last saw Dr. Burgett the day before I gave birth to him and weighed in at 220 pounds. So obviously after pushing him out along with as much excess baby water/junk, I lost weight with that. I now weight 197 pounds!! Thank you Hene for helping me get started! lol

Before summer no doubt, I will be back to 120 pounds! (the goal) Me and my kids will be too hot to trot!

I finished reading THE HELP last night. Boy, is that an amazing book! Now I get to watch the movie knowing that I will be disappointed cause all movies aren't as good as the book. Fact! Also about half way through the first book of Nephi. Tamara totally bailed on me last night with that one.

She did say our closing prayer last night. It was waaayyyyy long! lol Our Father in Heaven understands though. But what made me laugh was that, she said like 7 prayers. She likes to say it over and over again. I absolutely love it! I will keep pushing her to say them so that I can instill the power of prayer in her. She makes my job so easy! My dear Hene is still eating like a maniac! lol Yesterday I was joking with him saying, "when you grow up, you better beat up your dad, and if you go to jail, I'll bail you out!".. lol that is so wrong on so many levels! But like I said, I was joking. =)

"I Need to Blog it Off!"

I feel that when things get too crammed up in my brain and there's just too much on my mind that I feel like I'm gonna explode, I say to myself, "I need to blog it off."

My blog is like a best friend. Someone (something) that I can vent everything that's on my mind and feel that it understands exactly where I'm coming from. lol As lame as that sounds, I think it's great.
Tamara is here with me watching "Jake and the Never Land Pirates." A kid show on Disney.

Sometimes I catch Tamara staring at the screen and can tell that she is deep into the show. I'll even call her name and she wouldn't even flinch cause she's so caught up. I ask myself, "Is her watching t.v. a bad thing?" They say that too much t.v. can turn your kids into couch potatoes.

Not my Tamara!

I believe that her watching her little shows on Disney actually help. I believe they can be very educational. She sings when they sing. She dances when they dance. She says the colors that they point to. She counts along with them. So I don't mind one bit that she watches t.v. And obviously there are limits to "t.v." As a mom, I know I'll keep Tamara well rounded that t.v. won't be the only thing she'll ever want to do.

She's starting to talk now. I absolutely HATE IT! lol.. I mean don't get me wrong, it is part of life and all. It's just that every time she does something new that shows she's improving, it reminds me that she is "growing up." She's terrific!

Henele on the other hand. OH BOY! Ninja can EAT! lol He's now 1 month old and has already gained 3 pounds! Oh geeze! Formula is soooooooo not cheap! And Lord knows, baby daddy aint even trying to help out! What a joke he is!
Now on that topic... OMG! Sooo much has happened with that fool. He now has a girlfriend (plus some little club hoes on the side) that so doesn't surprise me though. He stays clubbin. Now I've actually "communicated" with el girlfriend, with bobbi, and sherry.
Girlfriend be clueless and continues to fall for his lies. And although I've filled her in on Leroy, I bet she is still with him. But just like me, SOME PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN THE HARD WAY! She told me he didn't "fess up" to having kids and was married till later on after they got together.

That right there was it for me! How dare he not claim his kids! I could so careless that he talks all this ish about me, I'm over all that. But when you bring the kids in, and you bust a "i don't have kids" card and don't wanna pull it out till "after." yeah.. His whole "ill always be there for my kids" "no one means more to me then the kids" "ill never love anyone because tamara means so much to me" all that bull has taken me overboard!

What I think is HILARIOUS, is that he now goes by James. lol (two thumbs up for that one). And after putting the pieces together. It's only for one reason. Cause "Leroy Unasa" is the name that is wellllll known here in the Valley. And if "she" was to start talking, and telling people "im will this guy named Leroy Unasa"...

lol its gonna bleed through the grapevine, and someone (maybe multiple people) is BOUND to tell her, "oh i've heard of him" "he's not a good dude" "i seen that dude at the club" or even "i saw him yesterday with another girl." lol..

Yesterday I changed my phone number. I'm now cutting off all ability for him to try and contact me. It's over!

Now.... my prediction.. oh yes! Keep in mind, Leroy was kicked out September 19, 2011. It was a monday. He has, his own apartment paying rent at about 750, a car payment, no clue on that one, car insurance, i'm sure is up the butt cause my policy on the fusion was up in Nov. my rate had gone WAY up... why?... cause Leroy has an extra 4 points on his record for getting pulled over last January, Utilities that consist of gas, electric, water all that good stuff, his credit card that is well over 800 now, yup, still have access to that account, anger management $40 a week, and now a checking account that has the ability to go "negative" hahaha... man, I don't know how he's made it this far, cause come sometime this month, guess what else is gonna be tacked on... CHILD SUPPORT! hahahaha...

If you haven't guessed, I'm so trying my hardest to run him back to Alaska! Now the only flaw I see with my prediction of him ending up back in Alaska is "the girlfriend." Now that card is what I really just have to wait on. Either he ends up back in Alaska or he gets her pregnant and ends up living with her. Damn! I hope that doesn't happen, cause then he's still in "reach" of my kids. But then again, he still has his job, and I'll still be garnishing his checks. So Alaska, no job, no child support till he finds a job, ooorrrr he stays with her and works and I take his money. I guess theres an up side to whether he stays or goes huh? Now if he marries her, something I didn't know till after... lol she pays me child support too. wow! haha I know huh? I literally just don't want to see him EVER AGAIN. And I swear that if he dares come by, I will put nails in his tires! hahaa lol..

Now I've blogged it off yall! Feel so much better!

Other than all that drama, 2012 will be GREAT FOR ME! Going back to school, summer semester. Thankfully Financial Aid has answered my prayers for school. Will be going into nursing FULL TIME! Boo-yah! Going back to the basics of the gospel! Me and Tamara read "regularly" now. It's great. It's helped me stay humble and grounded with all the drama. Need work too. I've applied to a couple places yesterday. I can't wait to get working again! Life is good. =) I feel cleansed with the new year and all!

2012 MY YEAR TO HUSTLE!

Gotta lotta catching up to do! But have no doubt I can still take the lead! Motivated!

First time to the dentist.

Well... Tamara has now gone to the Dentist for the first time! Boy was it hard. They tried to get an xray.

Totally didn't happen.
So we waited for the Dentist and he took a look in her mouth only to find that she has a Viral Infection in her gums.

He gums were totally red and what the Denist refers to as "inflamed"... scared me a little. But I guess children get it from putting something in their mouth that they shouldn't. After he said that, I thought to myself.. "she should have Viral Infections all the time then." lol cause Lord knows that more then half the stuff she puts in her mouth are things she shouldn't.

Wrote up her prescription. Then we were off to Walgreens to get the goods. lol

The Tamara and Hene Life!!

I honestly love being a Mom! I don't think that anything else in this world could possibly make me any happier then being a Mom. Now that Tamara is 2 and Hene is 2 Weeks, I enjoy every second of it! Literally. I can be up all night and up all day continuously and I wouldn't mind one bit.

I've fallen in love all over again! My son is just so addicting! I can't get enough of him! He puts that smile on my face like no other guy can. He makes me melt! My kids complete me. And thinking about my little family, I honestly wouldn't mind living it a single Mom. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about my own life and wonder if I'll ever let another guy into it, and at this point, I don't want to. I enjoy my kids too much!

Here is what I live for!

The Craziest Thing Happened

I just read over the last entry on my blog and its funny. I was right about Dr. Burgett "pulling the trigger" when he checked my cervix early that day. Cause my water broke around 12 that night. lol Its funny though. My water had broke and I knew it did, and what did I do, I went right back to sleep. lol I woke back up at around 1 in the morning and then decided to get up and go to the hospital. Called Kuuipo to come on over so we can HAVE A BABY.. lol already had my hospital bag ready, went to the big house, woke up my mom and we went to the Murray IHC.. Drove there singing my christmas tunes (which annoyed the hell out of kuuipo).. finally got there, told the nurses at the front desk that I had already "ruptured" and off to room 4 I went to await my Sons arrival..

In room 4 at around 1:30 maybe 2 am.. contractions arent too bad just yet.

Planned a "natural" birth.. ahhhhh!

starting at 2:30ish, the contractions and pain kicked in!
I remember wanting to give in so bad and take an epidural. But I stayed strong.
Nurses constantly telling me to breath.. the whole "hee hee hoo" crap sooooo doesnt work for me.
I was dilated to maybe a 7 and started pushing! The nurses kept fighting with me trying to get me to stop pushing.. but what did I do? I said... "Hell No! This baby is coming!" lol
So dilated at a 7, I pushed myself to a 10 within a matter of seconds..

then finally after all that excruciating pain..

and all that waiting and waiting...

weighing in at 5 lbs 7 oz
20 inches long
and a cry that would make you wanna slap yo momma! lol

HENELE O' VIKSTER UNASA WAS BORN!!!!!!!

Its now going on 3 weeks that hes been on this Earth, I can definitely say that I am complete. I have an amazing daughter, and an amazing son. Dad is now considered "baby daddy" lol. But I love my life this very second. The chance to have both my kids all to myself every minute of the day is such a great blessing. I hate it when theyre both sleeping cause I get bored very fast! I love the chaos. I love the sleepless nights. I love the crying. I love it all.

Hene is such an angel! Some nights when I'm up feeding him, I can literally just stay up and stare at him. I tend to just watch my kids and I can just dream of them growing up independent and successful. I can see them learning life's lessons from me and what I've gone through. Theres only one thing as a mom that I absolutely hate, and thats hoping that all of this doesnt go by too fast. I dont want them to grow up. I just want them to stay babies so I can hold them and play with them. Gotta love being a Mommy!! =)