Meanwhile...

Not sure how to put it any other way, as if I would want to, but I love my life. I am a spoiled little brat. I take too many things and people for granted. I need to show more appreciation and gratitude to those that are literally helping me every step of the way and each and every day. 

Mom and Dad. 

If I was ever given the opportunity to give to you two anything and everything you ever wanted, I would do so in a second. I can never repay you guys for all that you do for me and the kids. We truly do have everything we need and even many things that we want because you two are so loving to us and know how to make us happy even in our darkest parts of our lives. But it is because of you two that our lives are the way that it is. From the home the we live in and might I add [rent free] along with the not having to pay utilities that we use. I know that it gets hard for you guys and I never know when its hard cause you guys dont want us to worry. That's one thing I love about you Mom, you are always telling us kids to be happy but to be smart about how we go about obtaining our happiness. You tell us to be smart and always put your faith in the Lord. To pay a full tithe and never come across a month where things are left unpaid or past due. To live an honest life. Mom, you have always told us kids that; "Lies are like balloons trying to stay under water, they always make their way to the surface." And that will always stick with me for the rest of my life and will most definitely relay to Tamara and Henele. Mom and Dad, thank you so much for absolutely EVERYTHING. I know I'm a burden with the circumstances that I have brought into the family but you still show your love unconditionally. I love you two much more then I you can imagine. 

Kuuipo, Nai, Sunshine and Teta

I love you guys soo much! Kuuipo and Nai, you two are and will always be Tamara and Heneles "second" parents. I know that if anything ever happens to me that I have left them with a great family. I trust you guys a lot more then I trust myself sometimes. Thank you guys for always giving the kids that foundation they need if  ever I lack on parenting skills. I know I drive you guys crazy yet you guys still stand by my side. Thank you for everything! 

Willy

Now, you I definitely take for granted and am truly sorry for that. You are always my go to guy for any spur of the moment babysitting when I want to go gym, zumba and school. Thank you so much for always never saying no. I know you hate doing it cause you have other tasks to get done but you always do it anyways cause I know how much you love my little family. Thanks bro. You really are a big part of our lives and how we get by each day. And I know I will really understand how much I take you for granted as soon as you go out and serve. Thank You Willy! We love you more then you know.

Gratitude is something we end to bypass as the days go by. We all get caught up doing our daily tasks that we forget about the little things. And I'm sure there's no one person out there that can remember gratitude each and every day, well maybe the monks. But what I'm getting at is that today, I have been looking at myself and thinking of all the many blessing I have each and every day. I may not show it but it's something that I'm going to work on so that no one person feels that I am not grateful. 

Aside from my gratitude here are a few updated pics from the last couple events to keep my blog current. Enjoy!

Teta's baseball season has begun and he is an amazing Catcher!! I love going to his games!

Spring Saturdays we as a family go skating at Liberty Park and play baseball at a local Elementary School near home. This way we keep our family close and our accounts positive. lol

Les took me and Tamara to the Bruin bash and it was oh so fun! Tamara loved every second of it.

What they do in the car instead of say Cheese

Cousin Lasi Graduation from Slcc with her AA Degree. Super ups to her cause she hasn't even graduated from Hunter High yet. 

We are the dedicated cheer squad for the Monster Crew. With teta playing baseball and Christina, Jay and Sunshine playing soccer we do our best to make each game to show our support. =)

Went shopping with this bundle of joy and this is how long the line was. We are practically in one of the isles at Ross and havent even made it to the line by the registers. 

Viva La Juicy supporting our Soccer players one saturday morning. Love this chick!

My little Dancer training.

Mothers Day Dinner on Deck. An Annual Favorite for us all.

Peek a Boos and Eye Pokes are their specialty.

Took this big guy to get his Wisdoms taken out. lol tried to hide from the camera but only true big sisters know the right time to take the pic. =)

One of the recent books I read. Loved it. Diana Palmer is a Romance Novelist and I totally love her work!

That's a wrap! =)

My Growing Henele

Now that Henele is fully walking and turning that corner of baby to toddler. [teary eyed]. I honestly can't believe how fast the time has gone. He will be 2 this December and I am just in awe at how much progress he has made. Since his first birthday he has learned to walk, climb, run, and he is now beginning to pull out a few words. A few words he says is,

"ba ba" [bye bye]
"ta tu" [thank you]
"sasa' [sasa]

And a whole lot of baby giberish. His grunts are the most hilarious things ever. He will be sitting in his carseat and as we are driving he will grunt and then I'll say "Henele!" then he goes "uuhhh"... It really is funny. Everytime I walk towards him at my moms house he laughs and runs as fast as he can in the opposite direction. He always thinks I'm trying to take him back to the back house. He loves to stay with my mom.

He is truly a Grandma's Boy. A lot of times when it's just me and Tamara leaving the house, we will come home and my mom will say how he started crying when he realized that we left. But now when me and Tamara are in the car just about to pull out and we are [trying] to get Hene in the car is turns away cause he wants to stay with Grandma.

Such a silly boy. Sometime I'll be on my laptop and I will turn and look at him, when he sees me looking at him he starts to laugh and run toward me. He is always trying to find a way to play with you.

He now understands the concept of sleeping. He will go grab a pillow when he is tired and pull it to the floor then lay down on it to sleep. [Tamara did the same thing] He is always tearing apart the garbage bin and throwing our garbage everywhere. He loves to pull down all the books from the shelf just to throw them on the floor. And he loves to take out all his toys from the bucket just cause he knows I will tell Tamara to pick them all up. [yes, he knows what he is doing].

He knows that when he is playing with Tamara and starts to cry, I am always screaming at Tamara with the blame. [so wrong] He loves to throw. I mean throw! Of all the toys in the toy box he will almost always grab a ball.

The one thing I absolutely adore about my little man, is his [smile]. His smile really makes me melt. I could be so mad at him for whatever and with his little smile, I don't care instantly.

There really is a [special] bond between a mom and her son. I totally get my moms position when my brothers do stupid things.

Well. Henele is my hero, my muscle, my everything. They both really complete me.

My Little Diva

Tamara is now pulling out full sentences. I'm actually surprised with how extensiver her vocab is for her age. I try and think back to when the older kids (teta, chrstina, jay and sunshine) were at her age and what they were doing at the time, but I can't recall. A few things I just adore about the newly evolving Tamara Leethee:

Example 1.
"Mom, what's your favorite color?" - "Purple" - "Thats weird" - "Tamara, what's your favorite color?" [puts her index finger to the corner of her mouth and gives me that look of "deep thinking"] - "Ummm PINK!"

Example 2
[As we are driving on the road] "Mom" "Mom" "Mom" 'Mom" "MOM" "MOM" "MOM!!!!!!!" - "Tamara!" - "What?" - "What it is?" - "I love you." [super guilty feeling insert here]

Example 3
[Combing her hair in the morning] "Mom! I'm so excited!" - "Ya, why?" - "I love THE CROODS" - "Oh ya?" - "Ya, and me and Sunshine go watch The Croods and have it all the Popcorn and it was so so FUN!" - "That is sooo awesome Tamara!" - "Ya, Fank you Mommy for taking me to The Croods." - "Youre Welcome."

Example 4
[Getting out of the Car] "Mom, I can't open the door." - "Tamara, you can do it." - [over exaggerated grunt and opens the door] - "See mom, I can open the door." - "I told you." - "Mom, I can't carry the diaper bag, its soo heffy." - "Yes you can." [carries the bag]

Example 5
"Mom, can I go ride my bike?" - "Did you pick up all your toys and put your books on the shelf?" - "No." - "Then no, you can't go ride your bike." - "But mom, I have to go ride my bike!" - "Do you want me to take your bike back to the store?" - "No." - "Then go pick up your Toys! Now!" - "Ok."

Example 6
[Getting in the car] "Tamara, buckle your seat belt." - "Mom, I cant do it." - "Yes you can." - [grunt] "Mom, its too heffy." - "Tamara, you can do it." - [click] "Mom, I buckle my seat belt." - "Good job Tamara"

I could go on and on about the little convos me and Tamara have. They are so special to me. Watching her make new changes in her growth and her understanding, I have to say that I am proud. I think right now, Tamara is doing such an incredible job. Yes, she has that diva attitude, but I love that diva attitude because that little Diva is MINE!

She has come a long way with me and for all that I have put her through, I am truly grateful. Lately, Leroy has been trying to mend things between us to try and fix our family. But for me, I am pretty set on not turning back. Just the thought of how my life was back then really puts a damper on my day. I hated it. I don't want it. This morning Tamara woke up crying her eyes out. I asked "Tamara, whats wrong?" She said, "I miss my Daddy." That right there really makes me hate him more. To see her go through feelings like this cause of him really hurts. I know she doesn't understand why we aren't together. But in time I hope she can understand my position and not hate me so much cause her Dad isn't around. I have asked myself if I do see us together again for our kids as a happy family. But I honestly do not see it. I see all the fighting, the screaming, it's just not the life I want. They say, "time heals all wounds" but I think by the time my wound could heal, I would have already moved on. Sucks right?

Well There's a Tamara 101 for you. I Love my Tamara!

Done. Done and Done

So today I got a lot done. Homework. Cleaned the House. Got in a good workout. Did some shopping cause I'm making sandwiches for a meeting on Sunday. Indexed a little. And above all, played outside with the kids. Its amazing how much life has to offer when you take advantage of it. Why let another day go by and set aside the things that are selfish and of no meaning to you, and just let life give you what it knows you want and need.

This past week has been different for me. It has it's little twists in its areas, but different. It took a while but I finally got my Golds Gym VIP pass through Loisi's company cause there is a huge discount going through the church. [gotta love the church and their wanted everyone to live healthy]. A regular VIP Pass is 35 bucks a month. I pay only 10. The only reason I need the VIP Pass is to be able to take the kids with me so they can play in the play place / Daycare while I get in a good workout. One thing I've notice with working out while the family is watching the kids, is that I feel very selfish. I feel like I only care for myself and I'm not putting the kids first. But when I take the with me, knowing they are right next to me, it feels good. I feel like I could marry Golds Gym. lol

Yay for healthy living!!

Onto other areas of my life. There is a part of me that I don't blog about. I keep it hidden. Im sure we all have that part of us that is similar. But to cut to the chase, I have a secret. A Secret that has made me smile for that past year. A Secret that I wont be able to contain anymore. But until then. Just know, I have a secret. =)

Tamara is INCREDIBLE! Henele is INCREDIBLE! They seriously will never know a glimpse of how I feel about them.

Life is good. Time to get out and smell the roses now the spring is here. Carpe Diem my friends. You only get one life time. Spend it with the ones you love most and doing the things you love most.

Good Night Blog World!!

A Sad Story

Last weekend we went to Viva-Las-Vegas!! Trips are always fun! But when the reason of the trip is a funeral, it the type of trip that makes things a little dull. My Aunt Melefehi passed away on April 4. She died of Cancer that she only knew she has since this past January. She wasn't old or anything, just cancer.

Awhile back me and my mom had been watching the news and there was a report on how berries can cause some type of cancer. Me and my mom then started talking about how just about everything can give you cancer. And how useless life would be if you tried your hardest to try and stay away from all the things that can give you cancer.

Melefehi was such a nice Aunt. When she came down to visit she always had gifts and was that type of Aunt that never let a minute go to waste with us.

While we were in Vegas, we had some bad news from back home that Sione Fakatoufifita was shot and died. Sione was our Piano player in our ward and not just our ward he would play for other wards too that fell short of a Piano Player. His talent was definitely a huge part of who he was. He's about 5 or 6 years younger then me and how I first met Sione is actually unfortunate.

I was in Primary, I'd say CTR 6 or 7 to be specific. We were practicing our music for our Primary Program one weekend and Sione sat behind me. Yep.. how do I remember this might you ask.. because he would not stop kicking the back of my chair. He just kept at it. Not that he hated me or anything cause we didnt even know eachother I was just the lucky one that happened to sit in front of him. That's how I met the kid. He will be missed and I'm sorry for his parents that are going through this hard time. I could only imagine.

With these funerals going on, it has made me kiss the kids more and hug them much tighter and longer. I find my prayers a little longer with a few minutes after that I spare to think of all the things I take for granted.

 

Rest in peace to these two souls that have in different ways touched my life and my kids lives.

No!

Saying no. Sometimes is the easiest thing to say, but for some can be very hard. Now for me, unfortunately is very hard. I'm the type that will help even when I can't help myself. I will always do whatever I can to help those that ask for it putting aside any agendas I may already have in place. Sometimes I will give more then I have. Sometimes I'll give all that I have and take the toll on myself to help ease the burden of another.

Now, I'm sure it sounds very heartfelt with what I've just brought to the table, but when you are in my position or happen to understand my position, it's not at all that great helping others. Now, let me clear that up cause clearly, "helping" is always great. What my issue is, is that I help more then I should, more then I can afford.

I've come to a point in my life, where there are literally a lot going on. This past month (march) was so hectic, I couldve exploded a couple times. All in just that month that was going on were; The Relief Society's Birthday Celebration, which every year we celebrate with a dance. My mom is the Relief Society President at the Granger Ward and when my mom has a big project going on, I'm always on board with whatever help she needs. I was her personal driver, her errand girl, simply her personal assistant. When it comes to my mom, I like to give it my all. Always. After all that she does for me and the kids, it's only right to do the same for her when it counts the most. She doesn't have that many "big" projects throughout the year, so when they come up I like to do the most to help ease her load. Next on the agenda, my calling. Again, the Primary Second Counselor. Last month we planned our Easter Party. I was given the check to do the shopping for food, and easter things that would be needed for the party, and I organized the party itself. Ya, I don't know how that was put on me, but I'm guessing along the lines of one of our meetings, I probably agreed to doing it all. Next, School! Have I mentioned how much I hate school. Well I do. But shuffling school in between those two tasks was not all that great. I will say, I fell behind and am now kicking my ass to get things back in order. Sucks, but gotta do it. And last. I've been meeting a couple times a month with my Senior Class Officers from High School in preparing our 5 year reunion. Not sure if I've blogged this but I am the Granger High School Senior Class President for the Class of 2008. Yep. Talk about annoying girl that heavys her own burdens. lol ya.

Once last month I cried cause it was so hard. I felt like I was neglecting the kids doing all these different things and all at the same time. One day, I was sitting on my laptop crunching some numbers for the Easter Party budget and I glanced over at the kids and what I saw is what made me ball my eyes out. Tamara was sitting on the couch watching tv. The look on her face told me she was tired of watching the same show and that she was bored. Henele was laying stomache down, knocked out with his bottle in his hand. It was that moment that every one of those tasks were cleared from my mind and my heart sank deep in tears.

How could I have let all these things come before my family? Where was my heart at? Why were my priorities so out of order. I walked over to the kids with tears and asked for forgiveness. I felt like the worst mom. From that day last month, I kicked EVERYTHING into gear and am now back on track. The Easter Party was a Success and The RS Celebration was a Success, school is back on track and my reunion is still underway but I've delegated most of the work on my officers so that I keep my heart where it should be FIRST, and thats with my kids.

Im surprised I have a sec to even blog. I do have to say, when you work hard at the many tasks ahead of you, rewards will come and I have to say that I feel very successful right now. Being able to do all these things and even some of things I love to do on the side.

So... last thing I'd like to blog is the power of saying no. I've made it a special "key" to my happiness. Saying no is hard. Especially when who you are saying no to is someone that you absolutely love. But if saying no means that it's for the kids, then there is no question about it. I cant be pushed over or over burdened with more then I can handle. I will help to the limits that I know I can uphold. =)

Because of these women in my life, I am strong. I have that foundation to release to. I am not over burdened. I have learned to be balanced and am prioritized within my means. Thanks to my Ladies, I am getting to where I need to be with the help of their strength, love and above all humility.. Love them to no end! xoxo

Family. Where limits have no end. And love is no question.

I Love You

Many meanings come from these three simple words put in this order. And whatever the meaning is or whatever you feel at that moment when you say it or hear it from someone is just that. How are you to feel when it's said to you? How do you know when it's the right time or place to say it?

For as long as they have existed in this life. Not a day goes by that I won't say, "I love you." And since it has become a daily phrase, it has rubbed off on my little Tamara. At any given moment in the day, she will say, "Mom, I love you," and I will reply, "I love you too." But when it comes to Tamara, she gives her meaning of "I love you" a special kind of meaning. I hear her say, "Grandma, I love you." all the time. I hear her say, "Grandpa, I love you" all the time. But when I begin to hear her say, "Sunshine, I love you," or "Teta, I love you," or "Mom, I love Coco," she really opens up your heart to the true meaning of an "I love you."

In our culture, I've learned that, "I love you's" are not a normal phrase said in the home let alone among us adults. We have this [tough] outer layer in our culture. Since Tamara has come to making this phrase an easy one to say, I have to say, it really has opened my eyes.

Tamara, "I love you." Henele, "I love you."

"Mom, Dad, Kuuipo, Aki, Lee, June, Mone, Willy, Nai, Chester, Loisi, Christina, Jay, Tangiloto, Luseane, Teta and Sunshine, I love you!"

Moral of this entry, is to simply tell the ones you love with no question, "I love you."

p.s. Aki is the only one not in the pic cause she's the one who took it. =)