Taking A Step Back

She's grown up so much since this picture.

I've been keeping an eye on Tamara and I watch her do things. Not at any particular time or anything, I sometimes just sit back and watch her do whatever it is she's doing. And I ask myself if, with Henele being around and with my attention on him instead of her at different points in our day, if it affects her in any way. 

I had cried my heart out one morning.

I was busy giving Henele his bath and dressing him and also giving him his "asthma" treatment.. All of which would be a good hour of "mommy" work. Throughout all that time, she had been crying for me to fill up her sipi cup of juice. Later that night I watching her sleep I cried thinking back on it and remembering my perspective of Tamara while my full focus was on Henele. And I had remembered her constantly saying, "Pees, pees!" or sticking the sipi cup in my face and I had took it from her and threw it to the side saying, "go watch tv." I was so frustraded with Henele not in a good mood and Tamara in my face. 

This is one of those times a Mom wishes she could duplicate herself, or simply have another 2 sets of hands.

Finally after I give Henele his treatment and give him a bottle, he falls asleep and I put him in his crib. I go out to the living room to check on Tamara and I find her sleeping on the couch with her empty sipi cup and tear trails had dried on her cheeks.

I remember as I watched her sleep, not even in a comfortable position, I fell to my knees and cried to her. I said, "Im so sorry Tamara!" I put her in a comfortable position with a pillow and one of her favorite blankets and I sat next to her and just watched her sleep. With a too late filled sipi cup I tucked it in with her to sleep with and gave her a big hug and kiss. 

It's times like that, that really make me take a step back and it refreshes my mentality as a mother. My patience was tested that morning and even though that morning I totally bombed it, it actually is my reminder every time I run into the same situation. 

It happens, when they are both fussy at the same time, but now, when it does, I remember that morning I dropped to my knees and pleaded with Tamara saying, sorry and I just push myself harder to tend to the both of them at the same time. 

It's a skill and I believe, I'm not too far from mastering it. =)

She's a huge huge huge help to me! She's so smart and the one thing I love the most about my Tamara Leethee, is how independent she is. She likes to do things on her own and when I try and help sometimes, she tells me no and does it on her own. I'm blessed with such an amazing angel. She has shined so much light in my life that things now are so clear!

I LOVE YOU TAMARA!!