Limits

So. We had regional conference today and I enjoyed it. Now I'd like to write about a talk that was shared by Lawrence -something. I was to blind to see what his last name was but what he shared actually confused me. I'm just gonna hit the points.

Wife. Husband.

Wife cheats on husband over and over again. Husband continues to allow her to come back regardless of what she's done. He forgives her. Opens his arms to her. Is kind to her. And even though she does those things he always waits for her return.

HHmmmmm?

That story was later converted to the Wife representing "Israel" and the Husband "our father in heaven"... Now I understand that people makes mistakes and no matter what, Our father in heaven will be there for us and that he will always open his arms unto us. But the whole wife and husband analogy is what threw me off. Are there really people out there like the "husband"?? Are they saying that even though some spouses mess up the other spouse that is faithful should continue to let them back?

Umm.. Sorry. That's not gonna happen. I wish he would've used a different type of story for us to understand and remember that our father in heaven will always accept us even with the mistakes we've made.

On the plus side, It's a good reminder that Heavenly Father forgives us. But on the down side, I'm not taking Leroy back ever. Or James whatever his name may be at this point. Call me stubborn and ignorant. But really? I think there's a limit to how much of that crap you should take. And for me and him, his was quite excessive. So I would say, I did my part in fighting for the family.

I hope that couples out there keep there relationship in check and always stay in tuned. I totally look down on those that allow their partners to continue treating them anything less then what they truly are. We are human!

Welp. That's my two cents for the night. If I have ever by ANY CRAZY CHANCE find the male version of me, hell, I'll propose. hahaha kidding.

Hugs And Kisses

I said a prayer and really opened my heart. I poured out everything within my heart and scattered it on the table and as I put those pieces together, I found what I thought was missing.

Who would've thought that something as simple as a prayer could give me the answers to the questions I've been longing for.

I'm ok. I'm doing all the things I need to do to keep moving forward to progress.

Tamara is potty trained. Thank goodness. But she goes to the bathroom just to flush the toilet for fun a lot. But that's a hit I'm gonna have to take or I'll be risking a big mess and a lot more laundry then necessary. lol

We went shopping and she just had to have this cupcake backpack. So I gave in and bought it for her. lol Even though our money is totally on the low end of the pool, I sometimes can't help but give her what she wants. I told her if ever her dad starts paying child support again, she could go all crazy with every penny of it. lol (maybe) But he's one of those losers that runs from it and works under the tables. So whatev. I don't depend on it anyway. He was never really there for her in the first place. So why would I think he would be now, especially since he's free from having to care for them. 

I look back on life when we were still together and it makes me cry. I knew what I wanted in a man and from the beginning he never gave me anything that I was gonna pursue in a man. He was what everyone warned me about. An absolute loser. I'll definitely be embarrassed when Tamara and Hene grow up and see the guy that "helped" bring them into this world. And as I teach them morals, mantras, and good qualities they will for sure look at me and ask, "What the hell?" 

I honestly hoped that he would've moved back home to Alaska so I could just tell the kids, he died. lol 

But it's a great backpack huh? haha She was happy and seeing her smile was worth it. 

Henele. He is so CHILL. I did get the pic!!

Ha! Everytime he makes that sound with his mouth. And you know which one I'm talking about, just look at the picture. I tell him he's a little helicopter. I can't wait for halloween. I'm seriously gonna dress him as a helicopter of a lizard cause of all that mouth activity. haha

He is teething which means I'm up at all hours of the dang night. Mommy duties are great. 

If you wondered at the beginning of this entry what I though I was missing. 

Absolutely nothing. 

I sorta lost myself for a sec and just didn't have my focus.

But.

I did whip it back together and I'm back!

Can you really blame me for that though? I think everyone sometimes loses focus and slowly finds that part of themself to get them back. 

I'm glad I did.

Who You Are

You know how people refer to life as a roller-coaster? How you will always have your ups and downs. And yes, it's pretty straight forward, things in life bring you up and things will bring you down and repeats itself pretty much forever.

Question. What about the parts of a roller-coaster that flip you around? or jerk you left and right? the loop dee loops? or even the ones that take you backwards?

Can we maybe interpret the meanings of those parts for me cause I'd love some feedback on some thoughts and comments of what they could posssibly represent.

So why am I talking about roller-coasters? Because I'm going crazy! I'm managing. School, home, kids, etc. It's pretty well balanced. I'm ahead in my classes and plan to keep it that way all the way through. It's me. I'm just not all here. I don't know what it is. But I think and do things right, it's a feeling. Something is wrong. I don't know what it is. But even though I'm going through all the motions correctly, something inside of me is  just a huge blur!

I've been listening to Jessie J's song Who You Are and it keeps me thinking and wondering what I'm lacking. I just can't get it. I have no clue. I'm weird huh?

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!

I need to get it together.

Turning Points

Change is good. As long as it's good change.
It's a new week. School starts this week for the kids. Not mine, but my other kids that so happen to be born by my sisters. lol Summer vacation is now over and honestly, I'm gonna miss them!
Like I've mentioned before, I watch Teta and Sunshine throughout the summer. I remember just last week complaining about them giving me the biggest headache and that I couldn't wait for them to go back to school.
I totally take all that back! I'll take the headache if it means I get to watch them still. =(
Turning points sometimes suck! What do I do now? Who's gonna annoy me now? I'm totally used to Tamara. I've mastered her. lol
But really, I hope the best for Teta and Sunshine and even Jay and Christina this year at school. They are growing up to be such great kids.
We celebrated the august birthdays last night and all the kids were on the porch playing around. I went out with the two babies and just watched each of them. They each have such distinct personalities. None of them similiar to the othe. Perfectly different. As I sat with the two babies the older 4 came and stood around me and started singing! I loved every bit of it! While on the side, Tamara and Koko are fighting over this toy and that shoe. Random things.

But this will be a turning point for us. Tamara is used to waking up and Sunshine being here. But now, she won't be. So we'll see how she reacts to this change. Now would be a good time for me to really step it up as a mom. Instill in them some knowledge of the gospel and also basic things. I'll be buying tons of kid books. I need to impove Tamaras speech. I want her vocabulary to be a thousand times better then mine. I guess we could learn together. There's always room for improvement.

Discipline.

Oh how that part of parenting is the hardest for me. Tamara has a special type of attitude.
Lately, while at church, I've studied other moms and their kids to see what types of methods they use to discipline. This way I could maybe pick and pull things I may consider to try. I've learned that some kids listen and learn better by praising them. Other's by really talking to them at their own level. and many other ways.

I'll probley try them all. lol

Tamara is so the type to be praised. She loves to hear that she's doing a good job. She loves when I make surprised faces and talk all excited when she is doing something good.

He's growing way to fast for me. He's such a handsome boy and he totally makes my life easy! He is Tamra's soft spot.



 

 

Today starts a turning point for the 3 of us! Wish us luck! =)



Just Possible

 

 

Ever seen the movie? It's incredible.

 

I think that when big trials come along in life, we see things differently. I've had my fair share of hitting tock bottom and I know that there are plenty more for me. I think everyone hits a rock bottom in their lifetime and how youre prepared makes all the difference.

 

"I DON'T NEED EASY, JUST POSSIBLE!"

 

I wonder how people would view life if when they saw someone like Bethany Hamilton and put themselves in their shoes. I have a lot of sympathy for those out there that have disablities.

Growing up, I was really close with my brother Mone. Mone has ecsema from head to toe and he's lost vision in one eye. So growing up around him, I can't only imagine what it was like for him. I do know and still to this day, that when we are out in the public and I see people stare at him, I get so mad and just want to get in their face and say,"What are you looking at?" Some people don't have the slightest idea.

 

My dear friend Lori Butterfield. She's 56 years old. About a year and half ago, she was in a car accident that resulted in her becoming a parapalegic. A parapalegic is someone that is paralyzed from the chest down. So after her accident being totally independent, she was now totally dependant on others for just about everything.

 

When I worked for Homewatch Caregivers (home healthcare), I met Lori. I was her aide. And I remember when I'd be over at her house getting her ready for bed, she'd go on about the things she's done in her life, the people she interacted with that day or anything else that stood out throughout her day. But every story she had, every night would lead to asking the same question. "Why did this happen to me?" Most nights it would bring her to tears.

 

One thing I adore about Lori, is that even though she still has questions with why her life hit such a change, is that she is such a driven person. She's limited, but continues to put her best foot forward. I envy that of her.

 

I remember going through my seperation and then divorce how I would ask that same question, Why did this happen to me? Thinking that everything that was going on was destined to make me crumble at my feet.

 

But now, I'm glad it happened. I've found the Via that was so blinded by things that were of no benefit from the start. The Via that is stongwilled and head strong. The Via that I know is gonna make it no matter who tries to bring me down.

 

I'm determined and focused, but above all, I'm Happy!



Langi Lagoon Day!

I think its been about 4 years since I've been back to Lagoon. We used to go every year right before school starts, but we sorta have gotten sick of the park. It's fun and all, it's just not as attractive I guess. The old classis rides are still the best and they continue to add more rides that just don't quite make it up to par. But it is our first time back with the older four of the Monster Crew old enough and tall enough to go the bigger rides. So for me, it was so much more fun watching the kids go on these bigger rides for the first time then for just simple enjoyments for myself.

Like everything else, we have to bring our house, too much food and drinks, and plenty of necessities to help make babysitting as easy as possible.

A lot of our Lagoon Day Happiness is well credited towards our amazing babysitters, Mom and Dad. They can't ride any rides but they did enjoy walking around the Lagoon Park with the two babies in their strollers.

Sunshine and Christina! They are growing up to be such amazing young women! I absolutely love them to pieces and I hope that one day they can view me as a "good" example! =)

Our two TERRIBLE TWOS had such a blast! Koko wouldn't go on any rides at all, so he settled with playing games for fun little toys. And as for Tamara.....

She was all about the rides! She is such a brave little girl! Didn't have any problems with getting her on and off rides!

 

In line for the Log Ride. I personally don't prefer to ride this ride so I sat out and took pics.

Kuuipo and Aki. These are a too funny when they team up! One thing I love when we are together as a family, is that we have our little teams that make every moment of the event worth it!

 

Unfortunately, Willy, June and Loisi were unable to attend our Lagoon Day for Work and Football. So Mone enjoyed riding with the little ones and teaching them the "real" ways of riding the rides! haha As you can see.

Kuuipo and Teta on one of the newer rides. It was ok for me. Gave me a headache, but what ride doesnt give you one?

One of the funniest 7 year olds youll ever meet in your life. Hands down! Just look at him.

Dont know if you can tell but in the very back is Aki and in front of her is Kuuipo. 

And Henele was our very own Security Guard! Here he is relaxing at his post!

Great Lagoon Day!

 

Via, The Official Bruin

School starts in a week and I have to say, I'm a little nervous. I'm not sure how overwhelming things will be but I know it will be. I hope I don't go insane or worse take out a lot of my stress on the kids. Just training to get my CNA was hard. I was up all night getting homework done, damaging my body with an overload of 5 Hour Energies. Which by the way are so not cheap. And this time around I'm registered doing 12 hour credits. That's 4 classes!!
I had gone to the bookstore at SLCC and the girl that helped me with my books looked at my class schedule and said, "Boy, youre gonna be busy." Right then I thought in my mind, "Oh great. What have I got myself into?"
Two of my classes are online and two I will physically be at school for. I wished I could get them all online so I could stay home with the kids, but failed to get into the classes before they were already filled. Bad move on my part. But still got the classes I needed none the less.
I've been communicating a lot with my special "best friend". He's actually pretty amazing. A great listener. And he's kept my head up a lot these days when things are a little tough. He's enrolled at Weber State and he keeps telling me that we HAVE to get 4.0s.
Before I made the huge mistake of buying my books at the school bookstore which would have costed me about $350, he told me to buy them at amazon.com. So instead of leaving the bookstore with my books, I bought a SLCC Hoodie for $40. I know right? Who spends money like that? I just had to make me an Official Bruin.
I create me an amazon account and shopping online I began. So instead of paying that rediculous $350 I got all my books through amazon for $81!!!! omg HUGE SAVINGS! Thank You BFF!!
I ordered them all on monday and i got them all yesterday! After this whole online shopping experience, I have starting buying a lot of stuff through amazon.
My previous online shopping would only consist of Walmart.com and would do"in store pickup" so really it wasn't actual online shopping.

I did buy these two phone cases for only 58 cents each! How about that for a good bargain! I havent got them yet cause I had them shipped "standard". I expedited my books and thats why they came in so quick.

Yup. Henele IS eating that watermelon all by himself. Does he have any teeth yet? NOPE. But that didn't stop him from chomping down on that watermelon. 

He is the funniest kid! You have no idea. I'm loving every bit of his personality! He knows when he's laughing at someone. Me and my mom laughed the other night cause of how he was laughing at us. 

I take them to the park to get out all that energy. Tamara really has too much energy for her age and the house is not big enough for her to drain her entire battery. So I give her Hillsdale Park and soon enough not even the park will be big enough for her. I need to put her in like dance or track or something. Put all that energy to good use!

She is such an amazing big sister to Henele. She never does anything negetive, she doesn't yell at him or hit him. She honestly loves him to pieces. And I love watching her take good care of her brother. 

The other night Hene had fallen asleep in his crib, he normally sleeps with us on the bed but I didn't want to wake him so I let him sleep. In the middle of the night Henele had started crying and who was up running to his aide? Tamara! It was so cute, I almost cried. I watched as she climbed off the bed saying, "Henele? You Otay?" She climbed up on his crib and said, "You need bowow?" haha 

Well I'm off to go buy me a new laptop to make my online classes I bit easier for me. If only baby daddy didn't smash mine, I'd still have one. I totally should have put that in one of my proposals for the divorce decree, make him pay for it! ugh!

Him on the other hand. I feel so bad for him. He's found his happiness which ultimatley is great. But when I see the kids, I think of how any human being could not claim their own blood. I wonder if they even have a heart. Its unfortunate for him.

Operation Ipad was a total bust for me! lol My dad won and since he's not very Ipad savvy, he got himself an Ipod Touch. Good for him, he totally deserves it! As far as my weight loss goes, hahaa well, lets just say, It's still a working progress. I still look fat! ugh! Ill get back to my 140s one day. Its still in my dreams bucket!