She Thought She Knew

School is overwhelming and stupid. Thanks to school and teachers that continue to compete with each other on who can give out the most homework, they don't realize that we students don't have enough seconds in a minute, minutes in an hour or enough hours in the damn day. So what do I do? I secretly cuss at them in my mind while I'm sitting in class being the Negative Nancy that I am. lol Ya. If you've had your college experience then you should be able to relate.

So I was up until about 4 this morning doing homework. Homework has asked my hand in marriage and sadly I accepted. We for some reason can't get away from each other. It's really disgusting.

I created a ksl account. I've always been the "buyer" when it comes to the classifieds on ksl but this time around, I'm gonna be the SELLER. lol It's new and I find it a bit fun. My first ad I posted is so hilarious, I almost peed my pants. Let me tell you about it.

A couple Saturdays ago, me and my mom were out driving around to the different yard sales to see if there are things that may be of good use to us. Anyway, we go this one yard sale and there's this tin can looking thing about the size of your average round cooler you'd put punch in or something. It had a little facet thing at the bottom of it so I figured, maybe it's for like cocoa or something and it's used to keep it warm? (little did I know)

The guy gave it to us for a dollar. haha Me and my mom left thinking we got a good buy.

Sunday rolls around and we have a family dinner together with everyone. After we ate we sat around the backyard and just chit chatted awasy. My mom starts talking about the lovely little tin cooler thing we found at the yard sale and says, "Willy, go get it so they can see it."

"They" is Kuuipo and Aki, chester and Nai were there too but talking about other things (probley football).. Willy carries it to the backyard and as soon as Nai see's what Willy is carrying his eyes are dead on the item
watching will pass by. But when Aki and Kuuuipo see it, they start BUSTING OUT LAUGHING!!

I wasn't there at the time but my mom said that Aki was literally on her knees trying catch her breath and kuuipo was rolling all over the blanket she was sitting on.

They laughed and laughed and laughed. Thank goodness I wasn't there or I would feel so dumb. hahaha

My mom says what's wrong with it? and Nai says, "That's a Keg!" hahaha

A Keg is used to mix beer in.

So, Nai says we could sell it and get some good money off it. So I posted it on ksl as my very first ksl ad.

Football Banana Bread

Trust me when I say, I am the Banana Bread Queen! I've made banana bread for years. Normally I don't bake them till around Christmas time but lately we've been eating them at football games. I would say I've come a long way since my very first batch of Banana Bread till now and I'm positive that my very first batch is so not picture worthy. lol

I have class friday nights and those are the nights for Grangers varsity Football team. Luckily, my class on Friday is so not the biz. My professor is very chill but he's the type where you can tell, he wants to go out on a friday night. So class is scheduled from 5:30 to 8:20, I know, it's super long cause it's only once a week. So I sometimes make it to Willy's football game. Tamara made me a princess at this game. 

Football games are so fun!!

Henele's first football games was a bust. When he heard the refs whistle and the crown cheering for the game, he would scream his head off. I didn't get to sit with him at this football game cause I was running errands for everyone. So Chester and my mom did their best to keep him as calm as they could till I got back. (which wasn't until the game was over, go figure)

Well, football is back again and that means fall season is here and I LOVE THE FALL SEASON!! I wish it lasted longer here in Utah. Lots of fall and less winter. =)

Attention Walmart Shoppers

Every morning is the same. Tamara will always ask to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She now knows that if it's not on the tv then she can watch it on either grandmas computer or moms laptop. haha And you know what I realized today, we or at least I truly under-estimate the intelligence of the young mind. Today I took them out for dinner. They both love Mc Donalds and I love Mc Donald prices so our whole "eating out" is so far off the healthy radar but well within our budget. lol The things I compromise for good health. That's so bad and hopefully one day when my pockets allow, I won't have to compromise good health cause of a well kept budget. But anyways, I got our food and I took them over to the park just so they can get out of the house. They've been kept up in there far too long, I really need to invest in activities outside of the home. I really wanna take them to the zoo this fall but not sure if I can handle them alone for that long in public or if anyone would be able to come with. We'll see.

So while we are at the park it's just us three. No one else but a couple minutes went by and more and more kids and families started to show up. And I thought to myself, "Wow. A lot of families come here to the park.What a great way to get out and give them fresh air and some happiness." I loved it.

As soon as this Miko kid who was about the same age as Tamara comes up to the playground, Tamara says, "Hi! What's your name?" The Miko kid just said hi back. After that Tamara says, "Friends! Come slide!" lol It's so funny when a kid doesn't say their name they automatically become "Friend" to Tamara. It's so cute and I wish that we as adults could become instant friends like children do.

This is what made our trip to the park even more special to me. While Tamara is playing with her new little Miko friend. Me and Henele sat under the tree and watched. As soon as Henele saw Tamara with that other boy, he starts screaming! And I know that it was because she was with that other kid. He was fine laughing and smiling at Tamara UNTIL he showed up. lol Thanks to that Miko kid, we left earlier then I anticipated.

This morning I was doing some homework and I looked over at the kids and saw Tamara watching a movie and Henele just looking around sitting on the floor next to his toys and I thought to myself, "Via! Get the hell up and do something with them." They looked like they were so used to just sitting around in front of the tv surounded by toys that they are for sure already sick of. I felt so bad when I saw them there. So I took them for a walk around the neighborhood and we sat in the front yard doing one of my famous photo shoots and picking all the peaches off of the peach tree. Heres a couple picks from the photo shoot. lol

She's so gonna be a model! lol Kidding. She had thought of that pose all on her own though. Honest.

Shes very cooperative in front of the camera. If only I could turn my body into a camera then parenting Tamara would be easy breezy beautiful cover girl. (Can you tell we watch tv too much?)

He's more of an "in the moment" kind of model. lol I can't ever take a good picture of him unless it's really 

in the moment.

I wish I had long eye lashes like his. 

And then of course our lovely tongan door greeter at walmart has to stick his lovely walmart stickers on their foreheads so everyone knows we are loyal walmart customers. lol

I Hope You Dance

I honestly feel like I've been working so hard to get ahead only to get pulled back to square one or even further back. I don't know what more I can do to make things better for us. All I want is for Tamara and Henele to be ok and happy. That's it. I don't care for myself, the only thing that can or will make me happy is them being happy. Yes. They are ok and happy now, but I find myself wanting more for them. And maybe that's where I'm totally wrong. Maybe I'm just looking too far ahead that I'm not seeing what's really in front of me.

Call me crazy but while other single moms out there are looking to simply stand on their own. I'm fortunate enough to have a good supporting family to help me out, so I'm not looking to only just stand, but to fly. I wanna do more then the average. I want to stand out. I may have lost the opportunity to be an example to young women that need that good role model as a guide but I've figured that I still can, but for single moms. I want to show them that they are not deprived nor held back. We can do just as much as any young women that has no children and even more.

It's a hard road. Let me tell you. But if we single moms love our kids like we show everyone that we do, then they are what's gonna get us as far as we dream about.

Dreams aren't meant to be pondered about. They dreampt to DO! People, don't stop! If ever you feel like youre in a rut like how I feel now, take a second and grasp the many things and people that have brought you to where you are now, The time and money they've spent to help you. The love and compassion that continues to shine before you.

Dream.

So for those of you who are lacking some love. I have something for you. I get plenty of it from the kids and it more then enough to get me by. But here's a little something I'd like to share with you guys if ever you feel you need it, take it. Cause everyone at some point in their lives are gonna need this.

                                                        http://youtu.be/7VJsyEtwAUY

Don't be scared. lol

Heels Of Steel

He's something isn't he? lol

9 months old now and he still isnt crawling. His teeth are coming in before hes even started crawling. But I'm in no rush for him to start being mobile. I'm so not fit for it. How I keep up with Tamara, I don't know. 

It's been a couple days now where I will put Henele down on the floor. Normally in front of the t.v. and some toys around him. Then maybe 20 minutes later, he will be in a totally different spot of the living room. Still sitting. How he's moving has got me. But I guess I'm not keeping a good eye on him if he can move without me even noticeing. 

His top to center teeth have officially broke through. Not all the way in. But yes, on there way and almost here. He hasn't had a good nights sleep these past couple nights and it sucks. I hate seeing either of them in pain. But I can't keep him from letting his teeth come in right? If only they had something better then Orajel. It might make his teething a little easier.

Hene loves to kick his feet. It doesn't matter what hes kicking cause nothing phases him. The other night he woke up and started kicking me and let me tell you, his kicks are so hard I have bruises on my side. lol Lately we've called him, "Heels of Steel"... 

She's hitting a switchpoint in her life. She's beginning to "listen"... She's starting to understand the consequences of things that she's not suppose to do when we explain them to her. The other day we were going to the store and she didn't want to buckle her seat belt. so I told her that if she doesn't buckle her seat belt then the cops are gonna take her away. And thankfully for Special Agent Oso, she knows what a cop is and what they do to bad people and people that don't listen. 

She also is officially potty trained. Yay! Daiper savings! lol No I'm kidding. But she is now fully trained. With an exception of nights. She wheres Pull Up Underwears to sleep. lol She's gone a couple nights without any accidents but there have been more nights with accidents that I'm better off buying pull ups for her. 

They're kind of a huge deal to me.

Limits

So. We had regional conference today and I enjoyed it. Now I'd like to write about a talk that was shared by Lawrence -something. I was to blind to see what his last name was but what he shared actually confused me. I'm just gonna hit the points.

Wife. Husband.

Wife cheats on husband over and over again. Husband continues to allow her to come back regardless of what she's done. He forgives her. Opens his arms to her. Is kind to her. And even though she does those things he always waits for her return.

HHmmmmm?

That story was later converted to the Wife representing "Israel" and the Husband "our father in heaven"... Now I understand that people makes mistakes and no matter what, Our father in heaven will be there for us and that he will always open his arms unto us. But the whole wife and husband analogy is what threw me off. Are there really people out there like the "husband"?? Are they saying that even though some spouses mess up the other spouse that is faithful should continue to let them back?

Umm.. Sorry. That's not gonna happen. I wish he would've used a different type of story for us to understand and remember that our father in heaven will always accept us even with the mistakes we've made.

On the plus side, It's a good reminder that Heavenly Father forgives us. But on the down side, I'm not taking Leroy back ever. Or James whatever his name may be at this point. Call me stubborn and ignorant. But really? I think there's a limit to how much of that crap you should take. And for me and him, his was quite excessive. So I would say, I did my part in fighting for the family.

I hope that couples out there keep there relationship in check and always stay in tuned. I totally look down on those that allow their partners to continue treating them anything less then what they truly are. We are human!

Welp. That's my two cents for the night. If I have ever by ANY CRAZY CHANCE find the male version of me, hell, I'll propose. hahaha kidding.

Hugs And Kisses

I said a prayer and really opened my heart. I poured out everything within my heart and scattered it on the table and as I put those pieces together, I found what I thought was missing.

Who would've thought that something as simple as a prayer could give me the answers to the questions I've been longing for.

I'm ok. I'm doing all the things I need to do to keep moving forward to progress.

Tamara is potty trained. Thank goodness. But she goes to the bathroom just to flush the toilet for fun a lot. But that's a hit I'm gonna have to take or I'll be risking a big mess and a lot more laundry then necessary. lol

We went shopping and she just had to have this cupcake backpack. So I gave in and bought it for her. lol Even though our money is totally on the low end of the pool, I sometimes can't help but give her what she wants. I told her if ever her dad starts paying child support again, she could go all crazy with every penny of it. lol (maybe) But he's one of those losers that runs from it and works under the tables. So whatev. I don't depend on it anyway. He was never really there for her in the first place. So why would I think he would be now, especially since he's free from having to care for them. 

I look back on life when we were still together and it makes me cry. I knew what I wanted in a man and from the beginning he never gave me anything that I was gonna pursue in a man. He was what everyone warned me about. An absolute loser. I'll definitely be embarrassed when Tamara and Hene grow up and see the guy that "helped" bring them into this world. And as I teach them morals, mantras, and good qualities they will for sure look at me and ask, "What the hell?" 

I honestly hoped that he would've moved back home to Alaska so I could just tell the kids, he died. lol 

But it's a great backpack huh? haha She was happy and seeing her smile was worth it. 

Henele. He is so CHILL. I did get the pic!!

Ha! Everytime he makes that sound with his mouth. And you know which one I'm talking about, just look at the picture. I tell him he's a little helicopter. I can't wait for halloween. I'm seriously gonna dress him as a helicopter of a lizard cause of all that mouth activity. haha

He is teething which means I'm up at all hours of the dang night. Mommy duties are great. 

If you wondered at the beginning of this entry what I though I was missing. 

Absolutely nothing. 

I sorta lost myself for a sec and just didn't have my focus.

But.

I did whip it back together and I'm back!

Can you really blame me for that though? I think everyone sometimes loses focus and slowly finds that part of themself to get them back. 

I'm glad I did.