Taking A Step Back

She's grown up so much since this picture.

I've been keeping an eye on Tamara and I watch her do things. Not at any particular time or anything, I sometimes just sit back and watch her do whatever it is she's doing. And I ask myself if, with Henele being around and with my attention on him instead of her at different points in our day, if it affects her in any way. 

I had cried my heart out one morning.

I was busy giving Henele his bath and dressing him and also giving him his "asthma" treatment.. All of which would be a good hour of "mommy" work. Throughout all that time, she had been crying for me to fill up her sipi cup of juice. Later that night I watching her sleep I cried thinking back on it and remembering my perspective of Tamara while my full focus was on Henele. And I had remembered her constantly saying, "Pees, pees!" or sticking the sipi cup in my face and I had took it from her and threw it to the side saying, "go watch tv." I was so frustraded with Henele not in a good mood and Tamara in my face. 

This is one of those times a Mom wishes she could duplicate herself, or simply have another 2 sets of hands.

Finally after I give Henele his treatment and give him a bottle, he falls asleep and I put him in his crib. I go out to the living room to check on Tamara and I find her sleeping on the couch with her empty sipi cup and tear trails had dried on her cheeks.

I remember as I watched her sleep, not even in a comfortable position, I fell to my knees and cried to her. I said, "Im so sorry Tamara!" I put her in a comfortable position with a pillow and one of her favorite blankets and I sat next to her and just watched her sleep. With a too late filled sipi cup I tucked it in with her to sleep with and gave her a big hug and kiss. 

It's times like that, that really make me take a step back and it refreshes my mentality as a mother. My patience was tested that morning and even though that morning I totally bombed it, it actually is my reminder every time I run into the same situation. 

It happens, when they are both fussy at the same time, but now, when it does, I remember that morning I dropped to my knees and pleaded with Tamara saying, sorry and I just push myself harder to tend to the both of them at the same time. 

It's a skill and I believe, I'm not too far from mastering it. =)

She's a huge huge huge help to me! She's so smart and the one thing I love the most about my Tamara Leethee, is how independent she is. She likes to do things on her own and when I try and help sometimes, she tells me no and does it on her own. I'm blessed with such an amazing angel. She has shined so much light in my life that things now are so clear!

I LOVE YOU TAMARA!!

The Child First And Always

You know... if I had my laptop, blogging would be so much more fun and a lot easier. As much as I'd love to blog everyday, I unfortunately have to use the computer in the Big House that is shared by everyone. Which is fine with me, don't get me wrong... it's just that my chances of getting to the computer when no one else is on, is quite a challenge.

But anyway, lots has happened since my last entry. So lets get started!

Work has been quite a challenge. Having to watch the kids, get them up and ready in the morning and fed is a whole kinda process. It's not as hard as people might view. But there are those times when they are both crying and I can only do so much within my power. But all in all, we get through those rocky times.

I've only been working about a month, it's an on call job and technically, I'm only part time. The pay is good, the work is work. But when you hit those times when you are stuck with having to take the kids here and there to be watched after while I work is where things get a little tough.

Now that spring is in full bloom, I have recently learned that Henele is allergic to the pollen in the air. It's what triggers his airways making the muscles around his air pipes to tighten and it lessens is intake and out take of breathing. Then to add the fact that while all this allergic reaction is happened, he's sick with the flu. That adds mucus to his respiratory airway and mind you, a little baby can't cough up all that mucus so it helps by clogging his already tightened airways and makes it that much harder for him to simply breath.

I know right? POOR HENELE!!   

Theres Henele Friday night on May 11. Grandma gave him a warm bath and we slowly added cold water to get his temperature down. At the time he was hovering 100 degrees give or take a couple degrees.

Not really having a fun bath time. But there they are.

Soon after his bath, me and my mom finally decided that we should take him into the hospital and have him checked out. So I wake up Lee who is only 2 minutes away from us and we are on our way to Primary Children's Medical Center at about 2 am. 

Hoping that everything was ok, we are admitted into the hospital with RSV and Paraflu. 

"Ahhh shucks!"

I keep these things and put them in their baby books. But theres Heneles very second tag. =( I really need to keep these tags to a minimum though.

From May 11 at about 2 am to May 15, we were there for about 4 close to 5 days. By far the longest time I've been away from my Tamara Leethee, but definitely enjoyed every bit of mommy-son time! Just wish it didn't have to be in a hospital setting! =)

Boy were me and Hene so excited to leave the hospital. As nice as the nurses and aids were, it just wasn't home. And he was doing fine the last two days we were there anyway. 

A couple days after we get home from the hospital, Tamara and Henele are back to the same old. They laugh forever long and then they are mad at each other... I know right? I don't know what the deal is with it, but that what they do.

 

This one looks like Henele is telling Tamara, "Thats what you get." hahaha.. Even though she did nothing wrong..

Now Henele is giving me the rocks eye brow... 

But soon after there little ignorance, they will go right back to laughing and playing again..

Kids huh?..

So while I was in the hospital, I watched an episode of Dr. Oz. And one of his segments was on this juice drink that if you drink it before every meal, it helps you burn fat. It's called the swimsuit slimdown juice and consists of...

1 cup of Grapfruit Juice

1 Tbsp of Apple Cider Vinegar

1 Tbsp of Honey

Me and my dad have been drinking this goodness for about a week now and let me tell you, I really do believe it burns your fat! So try it out.. If you need it or are just curious.. =)

Welp.. My son is doing A WHOLE LOT BETTER.. its been going on a week since we left the hospital and he's been a tough little one and I'm proud of him!

Big Sis And Lil Bro Time!!

Ive been trying for some time to get Tamara to want to make friends with the other kids in Nursery and I'm just having the hardest time. She plays with kids and then she doesn't.. She only stays by me where I sit with Hene but most Sundays she will only stay so close to me. There was one Sunday she got along with the other girls and war running around with them. But I want her to be so comfortable that I can just drop her off and go to class.

It's still a working progress!

Coming home from church is a process. But an easy one. There's Hene in his little Jumper Grandma and Grandpa bought him. Tamara had lost Hene's Church shoes so he wore some Nikes that matched his suit! He's outgrowing it way too fast though.

Tamara getting ready this morning. We had a good morning! We got ready and went to go visit Grandma Silivia at the cemetery. It's been awhile since I've gone to visit her. And this was my first time taking Henele. So it was pretty special for our little family!

Big Sister taking care of Little Brother

"Fatch" Mickey Henele!

Smile for the camera!

She loves her little Brother so much! I'm so proud of her!

Henele has chunky thighs!

Henele looks a little worried in this pic! lol I don't blame him.. ha

Somethings got their attention!

"Mom! Where did Tamara go?!"... Awwww! lol

Just one last thing I want to blog about!.... Let me show you though.. haha

Via gets blonde streaks!! lol 

So I was hanging out with Valerie and Loisi yesterday after church and this is pretty much what we did! What do you think?

Just An Update

So yesterday while I was working, Tamara and Hene were home with the family and June says to Tamara, "Your nose is ugly!"... He repeats that a couple times cause she had boogers all over her nose... (which has always been normal).. But then Tamara looks at him with a serious face and says, "Stop!"... hahaha.. Him and my Mom started laughing!..

At church.. when we are sitting in Sacrament. Tamara likes to play with Hene, also the Tuaones that sit behind us.. but it's really more Koloi and Drewby playing with Tamara.. They share snacks and everything.. lol.. But anyway.. let me tell you.. Tamara is the ONLY ONE that knows how to make Henele laugh hard.. So while were sitting in Sacrament, Tamara will be playing the Henele and then all of a sudden you hear Henele bust out laughing and everyone around us just starts laughing.. Henele's baby laugh is just hilarious.. You can't help but laugh.

Me and my mom were talking the other day and she was telling me how it's good that there's two of them cause they have eachother to play with.. and it's so true! The relationship they have as a brother and sister is one that I just love so much! The way Tamara cares and protects her brother makes me feel so good as a mom. And the way Henele knows his sister very well is just incredible. I hope I can keep this up with them that they can grow up with this same relationship throughout their lives. They're there for eachother now and I want them to be the same way 20 years from now!

We're a happy family. Just a 3 taking on each day at a  time. I know we'll make it. 

I was asked by one of my clients Lori if I wanted to get married again and have more kids.. That's something I do think of from time to time.. And I honestly just don't know. Right now things are good for me and more importantly, the kids. As far as what me and Lori discussed, I'm just going as things go. Whatever happens will happen.... So basically, I'm just going with the flow.

Well, there's a quick update and Via, Tamara and Henele. Were enjoying the ride so far! =)

On The Upside!!

After I say my morning prayer, I like to sit and Meditate. I try and get up as early as I can so I can do it while the kids are still asleep. But this is what my body posture looks like "most" mornings. What I think while I meditate are 1. The Kids and what I am going to do that day to make them smile. 2. Think about the chapter I read in the good book the night before and try and apply what I learned into my daily life, whether comparing it to something I actually do that helps me progress or just feeling the spirit. 3. Family. How I can lift the burden of me and the kids off their loads for me to carry on my own. 4. Work. How I can outshine my co workers so I can be "top-notch"..

Meditation really does help me. I feel like a clear my mind. It's a clean slate for the new day, ready for me to put a whole new load on. It's great!

So, the CNA Program I did through SLCC is done. CHECK!.. The 6 week program was only a 4 week program for me. There are 2 tests that have to be taken to be CERTIFIED. I've done one so far. It was the written test and the test is scheduled for 2 hours, I finished in 30 minutes. The next test that I still need to take is the Skills Test. Then after I pass that one, I will be certified. But in the mean time I've been applying for jobs, and guess what? I GOT A JOB!! lol 

Last Thursday I applied for this company called Homewatch Caregivers. They called me Thursday and we scheduled and interview. Went in Friday and was hired and Saturday, I started. So yes! I'm back in the workfield! I'm making pretty good $$, and it will help me and the kids a lot to get things more together then just living off of Leroy's $440 a month. It helps, but not as much as I would like, for the kids. But anyway. I'm working and my little 4 week training through school is now paying off!

As far as our family biggest loser goes, I feel like it's just me and my Dad competing. We are the only ones that have really lost any weight. This week is now week 4 of the competition. Here's my progress...

204.4 (starting weight)

Week 1:      197.6      -6.8 pounds

Week 2:      193.8      -3.8 pounds

Week 3:      188.4      -5.4 pounds

188.4 (current weight)

I'm pretty much proud of myself. I'm getting back in shape. I finished my training course at SLCC. And I got a job as a CNA. I continue to get blessed and I find myself happier then ever. My kids are just as amazing. and they are still by my side cheering me on to do my best!

But the picture up there IS MY GOAL! How I would love to wear a shirt like that, with ABS like that and go to the gym and show them other girls WHATS UP! hahaha.. So silly.. But I really do want to feel like a badass once I get toned.

 

Welcome Back!!

What's meant to be, will be. It's better for you to be hated for who you are then loved for who you are not. Don't let what others think define who you are. Be bold and courageous, when you look back on your life you will regret the things you didn't do more then the things you did. What appears to be the end is really a new beginning. 

This past Saturday I went through the Bountiful Temple! It was my first time. The feeling reminded me of when I had Tamara and Henele. I just couldn't put the words together to describe how I felt. Since Saturday, I've thought over and over again of what it was like, the things I saw, the feeling I felt and I can't help but want to go back and experience it over and over again until I understand clearly of everything that goes on. 

Walking through those doors and that feeling you get when you're about to do work is a feeling I've deprived myself of for quite some time. It's been 3 maybe even 4 years since I've gone in the Temple. The feeling of coming back a second time after making decisions that were of no benefit to me, is a feeling that I know, and I really do mean it when I say 'I KNOW' this gospel is true. I hold it so close to my heart. There was a point in my life where I literally wanted to blame my struggle on everything OTHER then myself. 

One thing I know for sure is that this gospel has never once turned it's back on me. I turned my back and I've now come to an understanding that I, not only as a Mom but as a Daughter of God need to grasp this gospel with all my might, mind and strength for my kids. More for them, then for me.

The entire ride up to the Temple, during the Temple Session and even the ride home, one thing sat in my mind and heart. I didn't share it with anyone, I just held it in my heart and said a prayer and prayed for it to my Heavenly Father. To get sealed to my kids. Right now my kids are not sealed to me and the day I can go to the Temple WITH THEM to be sealed for all time and eternity will be THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! Hands down! 

I don't know what plans Heavenly Father has for me as far as ever getting married again or even getting back into the whole dating again. But I know that if I stay steadfast and obey, he will help me find a way. 

I need to find inner peace. I need to find that balance in my life that will help me stay strong. I'm so set on doing this on my own. With a father for them, that I sometimes question if I really can or the "what if I fail".. I don't want to fail. I want them to be happy and I want to give them the best that I can. 

Well, I'm still truggin along guys.. I won't give in. I will continue to go forward and do my best!

They are amazing!!

The Monster Crew Campout!!

So Im not sure if I've ever blogged about "Monster Crew" before.. but just a brief description of how the crew came about is back when the first four grandkids were born, Christina, Vikita, Leipua and Chester (Jay).... my brother Junior out of the blue started to call them, "The Monster Crew"... probley cause they were all monsters and this generation pretty much gets what they want. After we used to the whole "Monster Crew" name for the kids, June came up with a saying...

ONE WAY IN, NO WAY OUT!

So anytime we throw an event mainly for the kids, it's always entitled, "The Monster Crew"...

So last night we had a campout for all the kids and I honestly think it was BOMB.COM!!... Here are some pics..

One Tent up and two more to go!

So this pic is from the balcony. We have just about all the tents we needed up.. The fire has started to keep the backyard warm and everyone that belongs is in attendance.

Now this is the backyard to the yellow house, the families newest purchase just this past December.. if you see coco in the top right of the pic thats where we tore down the fence for access of both my parents house and the yellow house.

June and Loisi getting the fire started.. That lovely little fire pit barbeque thing my parents bought at a yardsale maybe two saturdays back.. Dont you just love those Yard Sales!! =) And if you remember the Easter Pics I posted we didn't have this little area put together just yet.. My mom and dad actually put it together just this past week FOR the camp out!

This pic is from the yard up to the balcony. As you can see June and Willy put up that white sheet for the screen we played the movie on.. The movie the kids picked was Happy Feet Two! It was good movie! I really liked it!

There is CoCo busting a move by the fire thingy... 

Theres big and little Luseane and then Tamara Leethee whos probley up to no good! As usual. lol

haha.. Hene looks at the sky as if he's never been outside before in his life.. But he was so chill while everyone got everything together.

Sunshine and Henry Benry!

When these two team up, its OVER! and poor coco is forced into Tamaras little evil doings! hahaha

Ok. So theres my fat self in the front yard.. me and my sisters were on our way to the store to get my mom some chicken and to pick up the pizza.. Theres that little Donkey yard ornament thing and I told Loisi to take a pic of me.. That poor Donkey huh? hahah

First that poor Donkey, then that poor Tree!! hahahah But that Loisi hanging from a tree branch. =)

The morning after. Me, Hene and Tamara didn't actually Camp.. We went to our house to sleep and then woke up and Hene and Tamara continued with the rest of their party.. Theyre over there right now while I blog! lol thanks June and Willy! =)

And just a closer look of my parents creation and what kept the Monster Crew warm last night in their tents! =)

Well.. more fun times with the kids! and definitely more planned ahead of us! Our summer will more then likely be a lot of this backyard camping stuff, cause it's free! lol Life is good. Next up on the agenda is, Me, Mone and Lee going through the Bountiful Temple. TODAY!.. Way excited! =)

Have a good Weekend everyone!!