You know what's funny, Leroy. Or "whos funny" He tells me he breaks up with his little girlfriend. Maybe he thought I would care? Silly guy. We're divorced. Life is great. But that's not what I think is funny. What is... now that he's done with her, he comes and visits the kids almost EVERY DAY! It's starting to bug me. But I don't want to NOT let him see them. I wonder what it will be like when they are much older. How will they take in the fact that he cheated. He wanted to live the party life. He dated a girl while still married to me. What will they think of him?
Sad that someone could stand between a family and be ok with it. It's over and done now thanks to both of them. I fought so hard after I kicked him out. Stupid? I don't know. I just know that at the time I wanted him to see what life was like without us and clearly he didn't care. But I still fought, as stupid as I was. But now, after all is said and done he is beginning to see what gave up on.
It hurt so bad when I saw pictures of him with her. I would've settled with him having drug issues then being with another girl. I thought for the longest time how could he have done that to me, but more to Tamara and Henele (who wasn't born at the time).
I cried.
How could I have been so stupid? What came over me?
All these questions came up around that time and I knew the answer all along. He didn't care. He was selfish. Why am I blogging about this? I don't know. He comes over and walks around the houses like he still lives here. I absolutely hate it! I hate seeing him. I hate seeing him be all nice to the kids. Cause I have to be the bad guy while he gets the "I want daddy" card.
It's not fair. Hopefully he picks up another low down girl to distract him so he forgets about the kids. It'll happen. He only comes around cause he's on the verge of going to jail. He has warrants out for his arrest and I'm just counting down till he gets himself locked up. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm tired of seeing him around here.
This point in my life I have to say is HARD. I don't know if it will get any harder then this but this by far, more then birth, then the broken family, then having to tell my mom "I'm pregnant." (seriously).
Up until 2 in the morning almost every night doing homework and up by 7 with the kids. Breakfast and getting them ready alone is a chunk of time and energy that I don't have. Hene teething with an ear infection. Tamara turning the fully potty trained corner but still adding up laundry like getting it done is super easy. Not having any time for myself is the sacrifice I have to make. My time to myself would consist of the drive to and from school and the walk to class and back to the car. I walk super slow listening to music just to kinda "get out". And above all, I'm going blind. I'm beginning to squint and it bugs the hell outta me. I need to call my doc asap to get me some updated contacts. These temps are just not cuttin it anymore.
Well I guess next time I'll blog on a more positive note then today.
If my head doesn't explode.
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